A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Infertility Support Forum (Thursday)

(Start with "Monday" if you can. Please. It would do great things to my self-esteem to know somebody actually listened to me for once. Even if it's only a cyber-stranger.) So, what were we talking about?  Oh right. Baby dust that everyone keeps throwing at each other on the infertility support sites. I'm not sure whether or not you can tell by my picture up there on top, but I really don't have the hair for it.  

Baby dust is on a very long list of things that would probably live on happily in my hair for at least a decade: Along with cigar smoke, incense, the smell of rear-view mirror air-freshener trees, airborn fast-food grease,  and Lysol.  

I mentioned yesterday that I had this image of exasperated webmasters who at the end of each night had to clean up all that baby dust.

I'm not positive those people exist. I am pretty sure that, however, while most moderators are wonderful, caring, conscientious people, there are a few pissed-off ones out there also.     

I totally understand and respect that support group creators and moderators are protective of those who really need the site and don't want people selling them crap or saying nasty or inappropriate things.

I just find it, shall we say, counter-productive when you're already a raw nerve from all of the infertility stuff and... here you are turning to one of these sites for comfort, and, right off the bat, get this:

"Hi. Welcome to 'Infertility has Ruined My Life'" We are a caring, loving, nurturing group for those going through the rigors of infertility.*

*"If you haven't gone through treatments in the last three months or thought about going through treatments in the last six months, you are not eligible to join. In addition, you must tell us in 600 words or more why you want to be part of this group.

For the first three years, I will be moderating all of your posts and will either prove or disapprove. If I disapprove, you will be banned from the site for life.

If you plan to leave the group, please be courteous and give us two months notice in writing. It is extremely rude to just move on with your life without getting our approval first.

If you are posting a new topic, please be considerate and write 'New Topic...Hello...New topic...Are you guys paying attention?' in the subject line.

No profanity, insults or discussions about sex, drugs or rock and roll will be tolerated. Examples of unacceptable language would be words such as, but not limited to: Infertility, Clomid, aspirin, follicles,Viagra, hip-hop, IVF, IUI, bedroom, husband, wife, gay, straight, Dancing with the Stars, sperm, donor, sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

And please don't insult our intelligence by trying to slip a nickname like 'follies' in for 'follicles' when you know full well that it is not a permissible term. If you think something might in some way be offensive to someone, you are right! So don't bother posting it! It will be rejected! And you will be banned! 

After you complete the five screen registration form, you will be sent via email a nine page profile form that you have three minutes to fill out. If you do not complete and submit it within 8 days along with a statement from your doctor confirming that you are indeed an infertile, your registration will be canceled and you will have to re-register but will not be permitted to do so for six days.

Taxes may apply. Down payment due at signing. License and registration not included. Penalties for early withdrawal. Do not drink alcohol to excess while on this site. Common side effects from this site are mild to moderate annoyance, dry mouth, dizziness and a pounding headache.

You should not drive or operate heavy machinery while on this site until you know if you have any negative side effects from this site. 

Notify the webmaster if you have an erection lasting more than four hours while posting on this site, as this can lead to more serious side effects.   

Hope you enjoy the group! Have fun with it!

Listen I gotta go. Now I got myself all riled up. I'd better go for a five mile run.  Or sit at my dining room table with a bowl of chips, a Cherry Coke and People magazine.

I'll talk to ya again tomorrow.