A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Infertility Support Forum (Tuesday)

So, what were we talking about? Oh right. The good, the bad, and the ugly of infertility support forums. At the heart of these forums are our posts. And when we post, we all sound nuts. There's a great comraderie among the insane... at least among the stressed-out, hormoned to the max, all-you-can-ride $20,000-a-ticket emotional roller coaster temporarily insane insane.

One of the common chants on these forums is: "Nobody understands what I'm going through!" Right. That's why these forums were invented: Because there are 7.3 million infertile people out there. And nobody understands what any one of them is going through.

So you can try telling your sister with her three kids,  for the umteenth time: "The holidays are just impossible for me. Why can't you be more sensitive and hide your kids in the closet behind the broken Christmas ornaments until they're over?!"   

Or you can pick one of a thousand forums and have dozens of instant friends from all over the world tell you you're 100% right, send you a big juicy cyberspace hug, and offer to punch your sister in the face.

So choice number 1 is: In the middle of your supermarket shopping, start bawling out the Swiss Miss on the hot chocolate package: "What the hell are you smiling at?! You don't know what it's like! I bet you've never had irregular periods! I bet you've never even heard of Clomid!"

(You get to that point. Where just looking at a package of a caffeinated drink puts you over the already shaky edge.)  

Then security is called. And there he comes. All five foot six, 103 pounds of him. He spends ten minutes peeling you finger by finger off of the Swiss Miss's bony throat.  Then he gets on the loud speaker:  "I need a clean up. There's a total mess in aisle 9... And it ain't the cocoa!"

So then, after a brief detainment in the supermarket break room that ironically, smells of rotten eggs which of course you can't let go and accuse the whole supermarket chain of mocking you, you do the smart thing and go home,  and opt for choice #2: Go online and be among your peoples.

I smile when a woman prefaces her support room rant with: "I'm sorry to sound so angry" or "I don't mean to vent but..."

Please. Have you by chance read the other 30 posts before yours?

Each one of us sounds a little more nuts than the one before. Almost every comment sounds like it was written from a ledge. Every one who answers a post should start with: "Come back in here. I want to talk to you."

Listen, I gotta go. I must read this new British tabloid I bought. The "Father of IVF", Professor Robert Edwards just won the Nobel Prize for medicine and it seems the first "test-tube" baby, Louise Brown, is suing him for half of his Nobel Prize money for 32 years back child support.  

I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.