"'A Scent of a Woman Theory' Stinks" (Monday)

Did you see this headline this past week?: "A Scent of a Woman: Women Are Most Attractive When They're At Their Most Fertile." Great, so where does that leave us? I guess if you're never fertile, you're never attractive. I'm glad we cleared that up. I'm feeling better already aren't you?

Apparently what they were getting at is that there are times of the month when women are unconsciously, more than usual, attracting the opposite sex. (Or whatever sex is attracted to you I guess.)   

Okay, so that brings some very problematic thoughts to my very problematic mind:

1) We're at our most fertile when we're under thirty-five. So apparently I've been hideous for over a decade.

2) I, personally, was at the absolute most fertile moment of my entire life when I was headed into the room for my egg retrieval. And boy was I pretty then. (More details later this week...brace yourself...it could get messy)

3) So, if we're at our sexiest to men when we're ovulating, what the hell are we if we never ovulate? A perpetual buddy? Wouldn't that be a nice Valentine's Day card from your husband?: "You're the sweetest person I ever met. I'm glad I married my best friend... Friends are good. Friends are right. Wanna play some checkers tonight?" 

I don't know about you. But if I got that card from my husband: Unless "playing checkers" was a cutesie code the two of us had for moving around each others pieces, I'd be pissed.  (Okay if the inside of the card had a hot naked couple with the checkers placed in four strategic spots with the line: "Wanna king me?"...I might be okay with it. But if it was too old guys playing on the porch at Cracker Barrel...I'm right back to pissed.)

And, by the way, ovulating time, of course, can run into PMSing time...and we know we're at our most desirable then. Physically, emotionally, and every other way, we're just one beautiful package headed your way. Men are attracted to us, and we're attracted to peanut M & M's. It's a perfect system.

Remember when you were single always wondering why all of the nice guys seemed only interested in the nasty B girls? I think we know why now. They were seeking women they would always feel that extra attraction to: Ones with perpetual PMS.

This "Scent of a Woman" Theory, what it means to those dealing with infertility etc...That's what we'll be discussing all this week. 

Listen, I gotta go. Here in most of the U.S., we'll be changing our clocks soon and losing an hour sleep. I'd better start making up for it now.

I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.