(Start with "Monday" if you can. Anger is like true love. It gets stronger when it festers.) So what was I talking about? Oh right. "Fertility Overachievers". Namely, this woman in Utah who went for an ultrasound and had a V-8 moment: "Hey, you know what? I have two uteruses."
That should be the sequel to Heather Has Two Mommies: The Lady In Utah Has Two Uteruses.
And then she has the nerve to get pregnant in both at the same time!
So here are all these women out there trying to iron out their uterine linings, untwist their fallopian tubes, stretch out their cervixes and (as in my case) de-rust and dust their old eggs just to maybe some day have one baby...
And along comes Mrs. Utah having two babies in two different parts of her body. Is that the best she could do? She couldn't sprout one from her armpit? It's a warm, dark, place. Surely something would grow there.
On top of that, she has a fool-proof way to screw with people for the rest of her life. "Oh, you have twins." "No, they're not twins. They were conceived four days apart.'"
"Oh right. So you have twins." "No, they're not twins. They were conceived four days apart." She could take someone for a ride on that little sadistic merry-go-round of hers for hours.
You've heard of siblings born in the same calendar year or less than a year apart referred to as "Irish twins." (Hate that expression)
Well, now and forevermore, every time two siblings are conceived four days apart in two different uteruses, they'll be referred to as Utahn twins. No further explanation needed.
I, by the way, also take this woman's actions--getting pregnant in two uteruses four days apart-- very personally. She's really lousing me up.
I always like my husband to read my posts, but he must not find out about this Utah person.
I finally convinced him that married couples only have sex once every couple of months.
Then this woman in Utah has to get pregnant twice in one week, blowing my ten page report entitled: "Frequent Sex: Just A Bad Idea" that I compiled and bound at Kinko's, and presented to my husband in a Power Point presentation with color-coded graphs and pie charts out of the Great Salt Lake.
Listen, I gotta go. Bristol Palin called off her engagement again. I'm just too depressed to write anymore tonight. You understand.
I'll talk with ya tomorrow.