So, what were we talking about? Oh right. Every week I scrutinize every last page of "US" and/or "People" magazines looking for any hint of any celebrity using fertility treatments. I don't even care if the major celebrity is someone I've never heard of in my entire life. It's still one for our team.
I like both magazines. Every week I totally judge the magazine by its cover before I choose.
"People" I love. It usually takes the high road. Stories about heroes and stunning weddings. I have no need for the high road. But that's just me.
"US", I love but there are way too many exclamation points. I get paranoid when I feel like I'm being yelled at all the time. It brings back bad memories of the last forty jobs I've had.
Both magazines like celebrity bliss. Onlookers at restaurants always remark (They never say anything. They always "remark") :
"You could tell they were in love."
"They were really enjoying each other"
Apparently celebrities are never just "okay" with anything. They're always "over the moon".
I'm always wondering if losers in restaurants instead of minding their own meal really do stare at celebrities and say those lame phrases over and over or the magazines just pay the same "onlooker" to "witness" every celebrity in every restaurant.
Anyway, I'll tell you...it's easy for me to be po'd at celebrities:
"Hey, you're in the public eye! You picked this line of work! Now you can't hide your infertility issues...Inquiring minds want to know!"
But honestly.... How much do we hate our unwanted press conferences?
We have to deal with family, friends and coworker up our ovaries all the time...
Celebrities have to deal with those... and the rest of the world. And they can never win. If they tell us nothing, we want to know something. If they tell us something, we demand to know more.
Celine Dion's been more open and honest than anyone should expect anyone to be. If I were she, I think I would have been like:
"Look, I have this incredible voice, I make zillions in Vegas...Screw you...I'll tell you nothing."
(It sounds particularly offensive with a French accent)
But she lets us all in on her infertility woes and I'm sure she still has to put up with:
"Celine, you've done fertility treatments over and over for years and years. Don't you feel just a little guilty that you're spending millions of dollars trying when others can't afford to go through even one cycle of IVF?"
"Your husband's like 80 years old. Don't you think it's a little selfish to want to have children with him now?"
"Do you think the fact that you weigh 70 pounds might be part of your fertility issues?"
Nicole Kidman, Gd bless her, is grilled on her clothes, her movie roles, her ex and by-the-way..."Nicole: Where did that new child just come from?"
"Was it by surrogate? Oh it was."
"Were they your own eggs?"
"Oh, they were? Really? I mean you're 43. I guess it's not impossible."
"You had similar issues when you were married to Tom Cruise. So, does that mean that your husband, Keith Urban's sperm are fine?"
(I don't know whether or not his sperm are fine, but as for the rest of him...Infertility issues notwithstanding, nobody in their right mind would ever claim that having sex over and over with Keith Urban was a waste of time.)
Listen I gotta go. New issues hitting the newsstands today....I'll keep my eyes out for infertiles and report back. And please, do consider subscribing to this blog, Laughing IS Conceivable for a weekly newsletter.