Donated Eggs: Are They Any Cheaper By The Dozen? (Thursday)

(Start with “Monday” if you can. Maybe during a Kit Kat break. Monday’s post goes great with chocolate) So what were we talking about? Oh right. Egg brokers paying $50,000 egg money to brilliant, gorgeous, genetically perfect, debutante Ivy Leaguers who neither sweat nor ever need a toilet. 

From what I’ve read, though, a lot of those rates advertised by brokers are really… What’s the word I’m looking for? Inflated? No…Exaggerated? No, that’s not it either. BS…Yeah that’s it.  Bait and Switch.

Apparently a lot of them post those ads to get loads of applicants to choose from. Then they use the personal info about any quality contenders to attract prospective egg recipients.

So you might be an Ivy Leaguer who could really use that 50 grand to buy books and join the meal plan for a semester at Brown, who ends up with compensation somewhere between the advertised $50,000 and a tuna fish sandwich.

Then, on the other end, you have a couple who is happy to pay the high fees to get the sparkling ova of Delta Gamma Gamma Pamela rather than diving into the more economical, bargain basement gene pool of Trailer Park Trish.   

I am thrilled, however, that there is one endeavor where women earn more than men: Donating genetic material. While women often receive around $10,000 for their donated eggs, men usually get $50-$100 per sperm sample.

Of course a female donor receives the big money for injecting hormones and having a surgical procedure (the egg retrieval) while the guy gets 50 bucks for doing what he’s perfectly happy doing for nothing.

I’ve never been a sperm donor but I have been a blood donor. I’m sure the process is exactly the same.  Fluid comes out of your body and then you have juice and Oreos. I imagine that for a lot of men, that’s just your basic Saturday afternoon.

Isn’t that the definition of the ideal career? Getting paid for doing what you love?     

Of course both male and female donors have to grapple with the notion that there may be some biological child of theirs out there who isn’t their child. Both get rewarded for making that tough decision as well as for undergoing months of screening to be accepted as a donor.

It’s just that women get rewarded for physical rigors that the men don’t have to go through. I doubt that there are any women who wake up from the egg retrieval anesthesia, smoke a cigarette, and beg to donate again in twenty minutes.

Of course she wouldn’t. You can’t be an egg donor if you’re a smoker.  

Listen, I gotta go. I have to find out whether my job is closed on Monday for Memorial Day or I have to start coughing sometime after lunch today. I’ll talk to ya tomorrow.