Donated Eggs: Are They Any Cheaper By The Dozen? (Wed)

(Start with Monday if you can. If you can’t, don’t. I’ll get over it.)   Some women in an infertility support group discussion wanted to know how to boost their egg quality. Looking at the going rates for donor eggs did it for me.

20, 30, 50,000 dollars? I saw those prices and said to my ova: “Focus girls, focus!”

Lately I’ve heard about infertility clinics and others placing ads in Ivy League newspapers, offering students those amounts for their eggs.

Does the fact that she attends an Ivy League school guarantee great eggs which will, in turn, guarantee superior children? Of course the young lady who answers the ad might be brilliant, but socially inept. Or she might have the recessive “idiot” gene that runs on her father’s side.

Or she might be in an Ivy League school because someone owed her mother a huge favor.

Or what if she’s super duper now but has alcoholic and ho’ tendencies which emerge next semester? I think all applicants should have to submit a “What I did on Spring break” video along with their SAT scores.

I’m also not sure if the ads are credible. Maybe they don’t actually give those exorbitant amounts to the donors. Maybe they hoodwink some of them, like the really far-sighted ones: “That application said IVF not I.V.Y.? I wondered why Harvard wanted to know how old I was when I got my first period. So does this mean I’m not going to Harvard?” 

I went to college. Could I have been a donor? Okay,  I wasn’t in the Ivy League. I went to NYU. It’s a pretty good school. I don’t know if it’s ranked on the “Top 50 Universities with the Best Eggs” List.   I wouldn’t expect $50,000. Maybe tickets to a Mets game.

I wonder if these clinics and egg beaters or brokers or whatever they are accept applicants from other educational institutions and pay them accordingly: The suckier the school, the lower the fee. Like if you go to community college you get bus fare and a box of Girl Scout cookies (hey, those cookies ain’t cheap).

And if you attend a vocational school, you’re probably good with your hands, so you take out your own eggs and they pay for shipping.

I think it’s a good thing that I never donated eggs in college. I have this paralyzing fear that sometime in life I would run into my egg donor kids and they’d look exactly like my own kids that I had at 42.

My fear is that the donor kids would be brilliant and perky and wonderful and mine would look all shabby and tired and beaten down. Well, it’s the difference between buying eggs farm fresh and using them right away, or keeping them in your refrigerator for forty years.

Listen I gotta go. I feel the sudden urge to clean out my  my refrigerator.  I'll talk with ya tomorrow.