(Start with "Monday" if you can. I mean today's hump day. What else have you got to do but read blogs? Unless of course you have the good fortune of meeting your sweetie on your lunch break to celebrate the day with a good..... ) So, what were we talking about? Oh right. How depression and infertility are almost interchangeable. Nobody wants either. And nobody understands what you're going through when you do suffer from it... Not even the other millions of people suffering through it at the exact same moment as you... And, remember... even if they're going through it, you're situation is much much worse than theirs. In fact, it's much much worse than anybody else's on the planet who's ever suffered with infertility/depression in the entire history of infertility/depression.
Personally, I have survived both infertility and depression. You know that old saying: "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." No it doesn't... It leaves you deformed. And then you blog.
I think part of the problem with discussing infertility and depression openly is the words themselves.
"I'm infertile." That sounds scary to me. It sounds like something creepy they do at an insane asylum in a horror movie. "They made me infertile!!"
The euphemisms are no better. They just confuse people: "I'm on my family building journey." It sounds like you're climbing the Himalayas to talk to your dead ancestors.
Personally I like the phrase: "We're having empty sex." Every once in a while I like to educate those who are uninformed about the whole plight of the infertile. But most of the time I'd rather just confuse or freak them out enough so they'll leave me alone.
So, "empty sex" sounds like we're just doing it without any emotional attachment. Okay...of course we're married. I guess it would suck to be married without any emotional attachment. So the phrase makes no real sense. That's not my problem.
I also think that if I mumble or say it fast enough: "We're Empty Sexers." People will just say to themselves: "She could not have just said what I thought she said. She must have said "Empty Nesters". And screw it... they both mean we have no kids in the house...so who cares what I said or what they thought?
But "Depression" is worse. It's the opposite of "infertility". "Infertility" is unfamiliar to most people. "Depression" is too familiar to most people. It means too many things.
Every time I told my father: "I have depression" his response was: "I grew up in the '30's. You want to talk Depression...No jobs. No food. You don't know from Depression. You think you know depression. But you don't know depression."
Like I said: "depression" is a term everyone thinks they know. "Infertility" they're not sure. Does that mean you can't get pregnant ever? Does that mean you could get pregnant if you did a different guy? Does it mean you have no uterus? Or you were born with male body parts? What the hell are you trying to tell me?!
But everyone's had depression. "Oh yeah, I failed my math test. I was so depressed. I get it."
That's normal, everyday, run-of-the-mill "something bad happened so now I'm bummed out, okay, now I'm over it... who wants to go for pizza?...depression.
Clinical depression is: "I failed my math test in eleventh grade. I'm thirty-seven now. I'm not ready to move on yet. " Or, "I have no real reason for feeling miserable. How long has the sky been black?"
Listen, I gotta go. I'm going for my newest root canal this morning...my dental debt is going up like the tote board on the Jerry Lewis telethon. Where the hell is the CEO of 7-Up with my check already?
I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.