"Eat, Pray, IVF" (Monday)

So, this week I'm going to be playing with fire. And some of you may want to throw a bucket of water over me. Or just throw a bucket at me. I'm goin' after religion. Okay, not going after it exactly. More like looking at how various religions view IVF and other Assisted Reproductive Technologies. But of course my business is humor, so get that bucket ready.  I'll probably inadvertently mock something sacred to somebody.

So, allow me right now, right here to make a reverse apology. (It's sort of like a reverse mortgage.) I may not have said anything yet that has offended you, and I have no idea what I'm going to write for the rest of this week, but let me say now, from the bottom of my heart: "I'm sorry."

This insane idea came from the calendar really. We are in the midst of the Islamic observance of Rahmadan. Soon we will be heading into the holiest time of year in Judaism, and this week, one of our Health Experts is Shari DeGraff Stewart who is a Pastoral Counselor (although the article itself has nothing to do with religion.) 

The article: "How to Ask Questions (and how not to!), I think, will help everyone ask good effective questions that will make the patient/Reproductive Endocrinologist relationship stronger and more effective towards the goal of getting us pregnant.

The article is by Shari DeGraff Stewart and Julia Fichtner Krahm. I tell you, all of us three-named-broads are going to be the ruination of modern civilization as we know it today. Just watch one of us at a CVS pharmacy attempting to pick-up a prescription:

"What's your last name?"

"Shandle-Fox"

"Fox, Fox. I don't see anything under "F". Could it be under a different name?"

"My whole last name is Shandle-Fox." 

"Oh, maybe they put it under your first name. Your first name is Shandle?"

"No my first name is "Lori". My last name is "Shandle-Fox" .

"Oh, so it should be under "F" for "Fox". Let me look."

"Didn't we do that already? Look. Isn't that it right there in front, in the "S" bin?"

"Wait, let me just look one more time under "F"." 

So while she's face deep in the "F" bin, I meanwhile am standing on my tiptoes, reaching as far over the counter as my 5'3" body will take  me and swiping with my fingernails toward the "S" bin.  

"I don't understand. It's not there."

"Could you try the 'S' bin? My name is 'Shandle-Fox. Lori Shandle-Fox. And I'm telling you right now. You see my feet are no longer touching the floor and I'm already halfway over the counter. If you make a single move toward the "L" bin, you may as well call security."

Listen, I gotta go.  I'd better type up my formal apology to all organized religions and maybe a few disorganized ones.

"How to Ask Questions (and how not to!) can be found at:

 http://laughingisconceivable.com/?page_id=642 

I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.