(Special Bounce-Around offer: 99 cents for my ebook thru Father's Day only. Read below or click on book cover to the right for more info and reviews) Welcome to the Father's Day Bounce-Around... By the way, I'm the one you can blame for the name of this event. I know...It sounds like a volleyball tournament at a nudist colony. (I thought it would be a nice visual for an event strategically placed between the French Open and Wimbledon. It shows a lot of breeding on my part.)
But what this Bounce-Around really is: Several bloggers paying tribute to the men in our miserable infertile lives. (Didn't this used to be a humor blog?)
For this entire week, June 11th to June 17th, we aim to make Father's Day a little more bearable for our men. Some of them suffer from male infertility. Some just suffer from living with a woman with female infertility (which, if we're honest, has its less than stellar moments)
So, why it's really called a Bounce-Around and how it works.
Simple: Read my post here, then check out the list on my next post below: Father's Day Bounce-Around #2.
This will provide introductions to blogs and bloggers and direct links to posts that were written with you and Father's Day in mind. Visit ones that interest you and keep bouncing around to all of them if you like.
This week is for men and the women (or men) who love them. Let's face it, most of the infertility blogs are written by women. And nearly all of the support forums are dominated by women. But we know the truth...just because men don't publicly vomit on anyone who will let them like we do, that don't mean they ain't feelin' it. Every Mother's Day,there are hundreds of online kvetchfests held around the internet... well, for once... this week is dedicated to THEM. So let's hear it for the boys...and their boys!
Because no matter how much a guy is in pain, you'll probably never see him on one of our female-ruled infertility forums saying:
"I'm so depressed. My brother-in-law just came to our house and his wife is pregnant again!!! That's so selfish!! How can he flaunt a second pregnancy in our faces when he knows that we've been married 3 months longer than they have and we still can't have a baby!! I'm soooooo mad!! And to make matters worse, he's always bragging to me about what great swimmers his "boys" are! He knows I have male infertility issues! My DW tries to be there for me and tells me to just ignore him, but she really doesn't understand!! I know this sounds mean, but I'm strongly considering not inviting them to our 4th of July barbecue this year... or at least...spitting on his steak when I grill it!"
So below is my little contribution to the men of the hour...of the entire week in fact...It's an excerpt from my new e-book. If it compels you to click on the book cover link to the right and purchase the thing (at a special Bounce-Around Price: 99 cents just thru Father's Day)... or read reviews, I won't fight you on it.
So strap on your sports bras, get those men in your lives to log on and get ready for our Bounce-Around...
From Chapter 3: "It's All in the Wrist" aka "I Know What YOU Just Did"
AND THIS IS THE TORTURE CHAMBER BUILT IN 1894 As the day got nearer for my husband to make his contribution, he was a wreck. They took us on a tour of the facility, which was a huge mistake. The tour nurse announced that the room where the guys are sent was “very nice and comfortable” as she flung the door open. The “honeymoon suite” consisted of a medical examination chair complete with that stripe of white crunchy-when-you-sit-on-it paper rolled down the middle and a dozen mangled magazines. Not quite the Playboy mansion. If that chamber didn’t propel a man into impotency I don’t know what would. I felt my testicles shrink. All in all, our tour of Hershey Park was considerably more successful.
At this point, my husband asked how I felt about sperm banks or if I thought that any of his friends were cute. Either option was fine with him. Then he came up with another strategy: Maybe he could do the lovin’ at home and bring in the fruits of his “labor”. The nurse said that was fine as long as we got the sample to them within ninety minutes of passion. No time for cuddling, naps, or cash transactions...
A CAREER GOAL DASHED With the pressure of having to produce in the doctor’s office alleviated, my husband was in high spirits the morning of the deed. I, on the other hand, failed miserably as a porno princess (large breasts notwithstanding). I won’t give details. There are none to give. He had made the mistake one day of telling me about “fluffing”. Apparently there are women who work on porno productions whose sole purpose is to (by whatever means) get male actors ready, you know “ready” for the shoot. Those are the fluffers. Being the sex kitten temptress as well as loving and supportive wife that I am, that fateful morning I said to my husband in my most seductive and sultry voice: “Hey, Baby, ready to get ffffluffed?” He responded in his most loving and supportive voice: “Could you just take a book and go outside?”
So whomever Debbie was doing in my DVD player, Lori was curled up with Agatha Christie on the cold, hard, cement steps.********
Now head over to the next post below and start bouncing around. Have a great time!