Finding Strength In Infertility (Yes, It STILL Sounds Ridiculous)

So, if you tuned in earlier this week, this is the second entry from Chapter 10 of Helen Adrienne's book: On Fertile Ground: Healing Infertility. If you are just showing up for the first time this week, I'm too pissed to even speak to you... Okay, this is what you've missed. A) I'd still like you to click on that book cover over there to the right and purchase my ebook for your Kindle or Kindle apps (on your phone or iPad) for a scant $3.99. Or at least read about it and check out the reviews (and then purchase it for a scant $3.99)

B) All this week, I'm posting excerpts from Helen Adrienne's book. She's an acclaimed psychotherapist and licensed social worker who deals with a lot of infertility patients. This chapter that I've ripped out of her book and pasted here (she probably won't even notice it's missing) is discussing how women have found their inner strengths at the toughest times in this case... infertility which we all know is no walk in the park. (Not even a park at 3am in a bad neighborhood where you're likely to be attacked, thrown to the ground and robbed.)

So start with the last post if you'd like to catch up. When last we spoke, we left off with a quote from Melissa. If you've already read the first post this week, I realize that this first paragraph was in that post as well. I'm just trying to give everybody a running start into this second post. I'm not senile. Well, I am senile, but I think I got this one right... mas o menos... yes, I do realize I slipped into Spanish for no apparent reason. It's just one of those things we geniuses do that cannot be explained: (Oh geez, Lori, shut the hell up already and post the damn thing) Okay, here it is:

Melissa, an artist, put it this way: "If it had not been for this amazing challenge in my life, I would still be afraid of the great unknown and would wonder if I had the balls - I mean ovaries - to get through it. I now know that I can and will get through anything."

But some of us are born into environments where developing inner strength is not encouraged and may even be discouraged. This kind of environment can rob us of the drive to feel and use our capacities, leaving us likely to form an inaccurate picture of ourselves. Personalities, or aspects of our personalities, get formed around distortions. When adversity brings us face to face with ourselves, we have a chance to course-correct. All of us get tossed around by life. As Gilda Radner once said, "If it ain't one thing, it's another." My point is that with awareness, if our sense of ourselves has gotten distorted, we can set the record straight.

Self-awareness can open us up what needs to be changed and your resolve to work toward change can be fortified. And as you continue to navigate turbulent waters, self-awareness can bring you to a realization of what has changed due to your efforts. Reveling in the self-awareness that develops cannot help but call attention to increasing levels of inner strength. In the process, we stand to discover or rediscover who we were really born to be and as a consequence, connect with our in-born authenticity. Inner awareness and inner strength make for a wonderful partnership and form the substrata upon which gains from pain accrue.

The Heart of the Matter

Seeking authenticity or connection to your in-born realness does not mean that you have been inauthentic. It just means that the lessons that come from the impact of unavoidable stress give us a chance to evaluate what feels right and what does not. It is up to us to recognize and honor the messages which bubble up from the inside. Honesty about aspects of our life style which are not working or facing stress warning signals are gifts if you let them be. Recognizing these messages can be challenging. They can be quite subtle. Sometimes we don't have access to our true selves. Sometimes our suffering can block access to hearing that inner whisper. Sometimes we don't hear what is coming from within even if it screams at us. As Oscar Wilde once said, "Some of us trip over the truth. Most of us get up and keep going as if nothing happened."

Realness is simple when we are infants. When we are hungry or uncomfortable, we scream. When we are afraid, we scream. When we are content, we are free to vocalize and play with abandon.

As we get older, with years of experiences stamped on our templates, that inner knowing and freedom to express how we feel can get glossed over. The infertility diagnosis all but guarantees that even those of us who are usually in touch with what we are feeling, get bumped off track. Now you have a chance to quiet yourselves, the better to learn to hear or see or feel - and trust - the whispers or shouts from within that can put you back on track. You will feel the resonance of you truth if who you are is congruent with where you are going. The synopsis of how others gained from their pain can be a beacon shining on what you can gain as well. Read on.

(Well, I would like you to read on and so would Helen. I will post the next bit later this week. Please look for it. And did I mention about clicking on to that fab book cover to the right and purchasing...oh I did? Sorry I'm a bit senile.)