Funny Fertility Flashbacks- (I Hope Anyway) #1

Okay, so I started writing this week's posts and then was told by many: "Gee, I'm probably not going to be able to read it for the next week because I'm going away. Love it though."

Apparently most people read blogs when they're at their job. And many people, as I suppose is true of every late July, are going on vacation. 

So, for those who can tear themselves away from the surf and sand and spend just a little time here at Laughing IS Conceivable, I'm going to be re-posting some of my oldies but hopefully goodies. 

If you've read them before, I hope you enjoy them (again?). If you've never read them before, forget all of the above, you won't know the difference.

And I'll be writing anew on August 1st.

"You are Entering The Infertility Zone: Doo, doo, doo,doo, Doo, doo, doo ,doo"

Originally Posted: June 23, 2010  

So what were we talking about? Oh right. Signing away your mental faculties when you sign on to fertility treatments.

I spent my very first two appointments with the Reproductive Endocrinologist just saying “What?”

The bearers of bizarre news were mostly the nurses:

“Okay, well, first we’re going to send you to take a test called a Hula Hoopa gram. You can’t go to the bathroom for two weeks before you take it.”

“What?”

“Yeah, we have to make sure that your fallopian tubes are open, so after you haven’t peed for a couple of weeks, our technician is going to yell “Riiicooola” up your tubes  and see if he hears an echo.”

 “What?”

 “Yeah and then you’re going to go home and take this vial and stick the syringe into the rubber part, precisely in the middle and take out any bubbles and make sure you get the right amount out…"

"What? My degree's in Spanish."

"And then you’re going to pinch the skin on the front of your stomach on the fleshy part, luckily you have a lot of fleshy part, and then give yourself a shot subcutaneously.”

“Subcu…what? Did I mention that my degree's in Spanish?”

“And then your husband is going to take this long needle and give you shots in the upper outer quadrant of your buttocks.”  

 “What? Upper outer, what? My husband’s going to...what? I don’t have any geometric shapes back there. It all kind of rolls together. Like one big happy loaf.”

"Yeah, but don't worry. He's going to put ice on the spot to freeze it first."

"What? My husband's in charge of the anesthesia? He doesn't even have a degree in Spanish."

I was unaware at the time  that slowly but surely... I had entered "The Infertility Zone".

Listen I gotta go.  It's 96 degrees here. I have to find someone with a pool to befriend. I'll talk with ya tomorrow.