Get Your Free Fertility Advice--Just $19.99 (Monday)

My husband and I never learn. We're either stupid or just so beaten down by life that we walk ourselves right into the same mistakes because we're too tired or lazy to avoid them. Two years ago, we went to the State Fair and each filled out one of those entry forms to win a beautiful John Deere riding lawn mower. We didn't really hold out too much hope that they would call us and say we won it, and even if they had, being from NYC, we would have figured it was a scam and hung up on them even though we knew we'd entered.

(It really is a waste for New Yorkers to enter anything because we will always assume it's a scam, no matter who's running the contest:

"Hi Mrs. Fox, this is Don from St. Patrick's Cathedral. Do you remember entering a contest to win a trip to Italy? You won!"

"Yes I do remember entering it Don...if that's your real name. Yeah, right, I won. And all I have to do while I'm there is buy a time-share in Palermo."

So anyway...There's my husband, who hates the heat, schlepping our, obsolete-the-day-we-got-it Mickey Mouse lawn mower across our yard all summer long..And we never get a call that we'd won the sparkling green John Deere lawn mower.

We did however get a call from just about everybody else. People selling insurance and a whole slew of other crap, traced far as we could tell... to that damn lawn mower entry at the State Fair. It took us about a year and a half of threatening and cursing to finally get ourselves crossed off the "Suckers-Who-Really-Needed-A-Lawn-Mower" list.  

But like I said...We never learn. This time we were at a Health Fair. My husband's throwing his name, phone number, and address into boxes like he was working a sting operation for identity theft.

So, this time we won a chef. Well, a guy cooking a gourmet dinner in our home for us.

So of course again, being a New Yorker (and will be no matter where I live), my first thought is:

"Great! A strange guy who has our address has a scheduled appointment with us to come over to rob us."

And, I'm sure you'll be shocked... He did come fact two of them came over bearing lots and lots of expensive cookware... which...imagine this...Was all for sale.

In the middle of his slicing and dicing and

"So, Lori, how much would you pay to have a handy tool like this?"  I leaned over to my husband: 

"Oh Geez,  this is like an infomercial... He reminds me of all the well-meaning schmucks who give us fertility advice...

"Hey, my sister-in-law had infertility. Now she has eight kids. Why don't you talk to my handy-dandy sister-in-law?"

And that's what we'll be focusing on all this week: Not the cooking part...The well-meaning schmucks in our lives who don't let the fact that they know nothing about infertility keep them from doing infomercials for us on how to cure it.

Listen I gotta go. Oh and by the way... Our story has a happy ending. We finally did get a great lawn mower. His name is Corey. 

And if you'd like to read how I turned the tables on a nosy neighbor and grilled her on HER personal business for a change...namely the manly truck that's been parked in her driveway lately...Check out my post at Fertility Authority.

I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.