My last post was about infertility and corn mazes. This one’s about infertility and hayrides. You’re right. I definitely have an autumn addiction. (Never more obvious than in the supermarket where I snatch up every single snack that’s added orange food coloring to its product and “pumpkin spice” to its name.)
So…Infertility & hayrides: You decide you want to have a baby. You figure it's just going to take a few simple rolls in the hay and then you'll get pregnant. After all, you've heard the song your whole life: "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes you driving an embarrassingly sensible minivan." Week after week, month after month, you two roll in that hay and all you have to show for it is a lot of sweaty straw lodged in various parts of your person. Finally you feel you have no choice. You have to get yourself up, dust yourself off and climb, begrudgingly, aboard the infertility hayride.
"Move all the way to the front and scooch together."
You guys aren't alone anymore. The hayride is crowded. Dozens, hundreds, thousands are on the ride with you. Some wear scrubs or white lab coats - an odd fashion choice for a bumpy jaunt through the woods. But most on this hayride are passengers just like you and look like they shopped where you did: At the “overwhelmed and disheveled mess” boutique.
There will be no rolls in this hay. Oh no, we can't have that. All of this hay is neatly packaged. The lab coats will tell you where to sit, when to sit, when to touch the hay, when not to touch the hay.
The ride will go up hills, into ditches, scrape bottom on a rock or two, smell like manure, and pass your car that's been patiently waiting for you in the parking lot, several times. You'll get rocked from side to side, you'll lean on each other so you don't fall backwards overboard, then you´ll catch the woman next to you so she doesn't go overboard... and all the while a bunch of the lab coats will be steady on their feet, calmly walking up and down the ride. Unlike the polite folks at the food court who hand out samples, they will be taking samples... from every naked female arm crease they can get their little latex hands on.
And most of all, they'll try to keep you focused on the needles: The needles that go into your arm. The needles that go into your stomach; The needles that going into your tush. Anything to keep you from believing anyone who says getting pregnant will be like finding one in the haystack.
I really appreciate you stopping by and hope you feel even just a little bit better than you did when you first got here. If you’d like more laughs at infertility’s expense, please take a look at my books below, available on Amazon, B & N, Kobo or at the following link: http://laughingisconceivable.com