(Start with "Monday" if you can. Unless in addition to infertile and uninsurable you also find me unreadable. Then, frankly, I don't know what to tell you.... But if you find me even the least bit bearable, consider becoming a subscriber to get a weekly blog update and some insider info.) So what were we talking about? Oh right. How I would hate doing the billing for a fertility clinic. It's such a no-win job.
Maybe I could do the billing for a fertility clinic in Beverly Hills though. Unlike other fertility clinics who have clients who are there for treatments even though they can't possibly afford it, maybe the Beverly Hills clinics have clients who are only there because they can afford it. Maybe they're not infertile, just lazy.
"You know I suppose I could go through all of that sweaty, messy, sex stuff with my husband...Naaa... I may as well just have some children implanted when I go for my tummy tuck. I'll be there anyway. What's another twenty thousand?"
So, in Beverly Hills, I wouldn't mind collecting the money: "You forgot your checkbook? That's okay, I'll take that ring. No, the other one."
In Kevin Haney's article in the Non-Health Experts department; "Bad Enough I Have To Go Through Fertility Treatments, Now You Want Me to Pay for Them Too?", he brings up an oh so valid and disturbing point about the warm, nurturing, insurance companies.
I had always assumed that insurance companies chose not to insure us, or offered coverage that was so expensive that nobody's job every stuck it into the benefits package, because our treatments were way too pricy. I hate to admit it, but I believed in my heart that the insurance carriers hated the sight of us desperate infertile people and wished we were all dead or would just go take our procreation journey elsewhere. Those racist bastards.
Not so, I've discovered.
Lo and behold, it turns out to be quite the opposite. Insurance companies, turns out, absolutely adore us: Fallopian tube clogged, endometriosis-ridden, shriveled elderly eggs, ovarian cystic, low sperm counting... Messy as we are, warts and all, or cysts and all, whatever...they just can't get enough of us.
And that's because, sure our treatments are expensive... to us. But according to what I gleaned from the article, what's a mere twenty thousand dollars a pop for some go 'rounds of IVF compared to the cost of prenatal care, hospital stays, complications that may arise, etc etc, pediatrics, college tuition? (okay, as usual, I may have gone one or two too far,)
So, insurance companies LOVE infertile people. And as long as we stay infertile, we're a cheap date. We're a tuna fish sandwich and a can of beer on a snack tray watching "A Twilight Zone" marathon on the Sci-Fi channel. So, it's not that insurance companies don't want us to have fertility treatments. They just don't want them to work.
And let's then look at the positive: Infertility treatments work. And that's why insurance companies wish we didn't do them... Yeah for us. Here's that article that I mentioned earlier: http://laughingisconceivable.com/?page_id=1623
Listen, I gotta go. It's Ground Hog day and I have this sinking feeling that I've written this exact post before.
I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.