In 2011, I'll Quit Cursing, Watching Football & Eating Ice Cream (Friday)

Then I may as well add "take my own life" to my 2011 "to do" list. There'd be no reason to go on without the big three. (Start with "Tuesday" if you can. I happen to know that one of your New Year's Resolutions is to stop procrastinating. So you'd better get on that "catch up on the Laughing IS Conceivable posts" task. I'd hate for you to hate yourself in the morning.)

So, what were we talking about? Oh right. How fast-food restaurants are a zillion dollar a year business in my town alone, but everyone I know always says: "Ew, I never eat that." So I guess when I see them actually in the place they're just there to use the restroom or to play alone in the play area.

And when I see them standing on line, I guess they're just being polite and waiting to ask the cashier if it's okay to use the restroom and/or the play area without making a purchase...or bringing a child. 

Okay, so this is the point: Everybody wants to feel good. Everybody wants to feel strong- Mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually . Do you know what makes you feel short-tempered, frustrated, depressed and exhausted?   Infertility....  and fried food... and sugar... and caffeine.

So of course when we're going through infertility and we're short-tempered, frustrated, depressed and exhausted we reach for the so-called "comfort foods" which are fried, full of sugar and caffeine and which don't comfort us, but make us short-tempered, frustrated,depressed and exhausted.  

Then we gain some weight which may affect our fertility negatively so we're short-tempered, frustrated,depressed and exhausted. So we reach for the comfort foods which are fried, full of  sugar and caffeine and don't comfort us, but make us short-tempered, frustrated, depressed and exhausted. (I'm starting to feel like Bart Simpson at the blackboard at the beginning of an episode.) 

The bad news is that you probably can't control your infertility. The good news is: You can control your intake of fried foods, sugar, and caffeine so that you might be less short-tempered, frustrated, depressed and exhausted and better armed to fight the whole infertility battle.  

As I've said: I love fast food. It makes me feel like crap. And if I eat enough I'll grow until I qualify to be a balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. (Just what I need: Two dozen Macy's employees dressed like McNuggets holding strings and schlepping me down Broadway with Al Roker post-gastric bypass announcing: "Lori stands five feet two inches high and weighs six hundred pounds" as a strong gust of wind blows me into a lamp post.)   

But I'm not giving up my value meal altogether. That would be an unrealistic resolution for me. How about you? And I'm using fast food as an example (for two days now...I think I'm obsessed) but of course this applies to all eating habits--whether you've got any weight to lose or not:

Instead of diving right in with an overwhelming goal: "I'm going to lose three dress sizes by April so I can be hot for Easter"... or "I'll never eat chocolate again. I won't even walk past a Godiva store at the mall. I'll go back out through the parking lot and come in through the Sears entrance and down the service elevator if I have to." How about:     

"I'll substitute the french fries for fruit slices." If you're crazy about the french fries, forget it.  It ain't never gonna happen.

What other options are there? Can you give up the soda for water?

If you eat fast food for breakfast and lunch, can you deal with limiting your  fast food meals to only lunch to start? Or only on the weekends? That's the one I pick. Once a week. And sometimes I don't even want it-- probably because I know that next week, in just a mere seven days, I'll have that option again.

Listen, I gotta go. Every New Year's Eve, I do the midnight run in Central Park. Since I don't live in New York anymore, I've got to start running now. Have a fantastic and fertile 2011!! I'll talk with ya again on Tuesday.