Part II: In 2011, I'll Quit Cursing, Watching Football, etc etc, yeah yeah we know (Friday)

(Start with "Tuesday" if you can. I've written two thousand words this week: Each an every one a gem.) So, what were we talking about? Oh right. The importance of New Year's resolutions for those who have spent the holidays at Club Infertile. (A friend of mine went to a Club Med years ago. There was a hurricane and everybody was evacuated. She was so mad. She spent the entire two weeks crammed  in a shelter with thousands of strangers.... When she got back I said to her: "What do you want from Club Med? They promised you you'd meet people...)

Still sounds like a fun time compared to what goes on at "Club Infertile", doesn't it?

The point is: (besides me being a wiseass which seems to be a major theme in both my writing and my life)  She was mad at something nobody could control. And this is why New Year's resolutions are so important for those with infertility.

As we begin a new year, I think it's a fantastic time to jump out of the infertility cyclone.

One day you decide it's time to take that leap into a fertility clinic. The next thing you know, two years have gone by and it's all one big blur. It all becomes like Dorothy's nightmare in the Wizard of Oz when she gets bonked on the head at the beginning. Images swirling around our heads: Hormones, shots, blood tests, sonograms, uterine lining, alcohol pads, syringes, stupid, well-meaning stupid relatives, "and your little dog too!", Gonal-F, Clomid, "Auntie Em! Auntie Em!...

After a while, we forget that infertility is just a sucky part of our lives and don't even realize it has become our lives. This is a great time of year to take stock of ourselves and to basically... reclaim ourselves.  Here is a good sampling of my wish list for your resolutions list:

I alway start off my New Year's resolutions list with the same two:

1) Quit smoking

2) Give up coffee

I've never smoked and never had a cup of coffee in my entire life. So having conquered those two just by waking up on January 1st, I feel invincible enough to attack the other seventy items on my list.

Okay, I'm putting on my serious face now. I'm like Mrs. Potato Head. I'm going to put on my serious eyes.

1) Flirt with your spouse... Hey, remember that? When you used to like to kiss him because he was delicious not because if you kissed him enough you might have a baby nine months later?

2) Underreact to dumb comments. Did you not read my holiday posts? I've already told you that you have a few relatives who are total morons. Over the years, they've said dumb things about your hair and your cousin's girlfriend and your sister's wedding dress.

So, do you expect that now that you're going through infertility they've become Einstein? It's nothing personal. They're stupid. They're stupidity is like your infertility. You'd both cure it if you could, but you can't. The bright side is: Someday you may get pregnant...and they'll still be stupid.   

3) When your friends get pregnant, don't take it personally. They probably really wanted to have a baby and weren't just doing it to piss you off. Whether you think they're being insensitive or not by showing you pictures and wanting to take you baby clothes shopping and inviting you to their baby showers doesn't really matter. They have the right to be happy for themselves. And you have the right to tell them to screw off until you feel like being happy for them...whether it be days, months, years, or never.   

4) Introduce yourself to yourself. You're not an "infertile person". You don't have to wear a scarlet "I" on your chest. (Well at least not in 47 states) You're a person who has infertility and who should also have plenty of hobbies and interests. Who else are you besides this infertile person? Are you a reader? A chef? A dancer? If you don't know...find out. If you do know...find out more.

5) Leave the blanks blank.... Find time to breathe: Whichever feels right to you: Pray if you pray, meditate if you don't. Do yoga. Play tennis. Get your body feeling good and your mind feeling relaxed. It will help you to put everything in perspective and to stop trying to figure out every twist and turn of this stinkin' cement maze. Do whatever you can to kick all of those obsessive thoughts out of your head....Let them haunt somebody else for a change...They really must go.  

Listen, I gotta go too. I've got this hot date with my husband tonight. I'm not sure if I should let him kiss me goodnight. We'll see where he takes me to dinner first.

And hey... 6) Don't Ever Forget to Laugh. I'd be out of a job.

I'll talk with ya again on Monday.