"Infertile, Bitter & Proud" (Wednesday)

So, what were we talking about? Oh right. Payback punishment for Mother's Day. What I mean is: Okay, so we all endured, got through, survived Mother's Day. Some of us more gracefully than others. Doesn't matter. What matters is that all this week, we're looking over---from head to toe and then head to toe again--those women among us who have reproduced, perhaps easily, who may not make the best mothers.

So, payback's a bitch... Speaking of which:Do you have Mother Madonnas in your life? 

I'm referring to Madonna the performer here. I love that in her bio-movie Madonna stated that her biggest talent was being a media manipulator. She knows how to get all the attention on her.   

Maybe a great quality in a superstar. But what a drag in a friend...and probably a mother... 

You know  competitive pains in the tush who have to top you all the time. They always have to be the center of attention (Oh Gd, am I talking about myself?).

You can't tell a story without them turning it around to be about them. If you say:

"I have a stomach ache."

She'll say:

"I have only one kidney."

You say:

"I couldn't sleep last night"

She says:

"I haven't slept since March."

You say:

"My husband has a girlfriend."

She says:

"My husband has a love child."

You have a sore foot. Hers needs to be amputated.  

What a great parent these women must make.  

Daughter: "Mom, could I wear the purple dress today?"

Mom: "No, I want to wear that. It'll look better on me."

Daughter: "Mom, we don't wear the same size. I'm only 5."


Mom: "Make a left! I said LEFT! I can't teach you how to drive. Get out of the car! I'm taking over! We'll get you a bus pass." 

And then on top of competing with their child, they inject their child's life with their competitive BS...

One day, they're rooting for their child on the sidelines....The next they're plotting to kill the head cheerleader who took the job away from her daughter.... Or taking a golf club to the soccer coach to pursuade him to give her son more playing time.  

Listen I gotta go. My sister's coming to visit today. I have to put up banners around town and make sure everyone's in place for the parade.

(Start with "Monday" if you can, to read about other "Mothers" on our list.)

I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.