Infertile Celebrities: They're Just Like Us(?)!

(If you have a chance, take a look at my ebook: Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman's Extremely Funny Peek into the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility. Hundreds of fertility patients & professionals have used it to help de-stress from the suck of that which is infertility. Also, check out a new Laughing IS Conceivable post: "Where do the Hollywood Elite Go for Sperm?" over at Fertility Authority. There's a page in every issue of Us Magazine --Stars: "They're just like Us!" With hard journalistic proof to back up the theory that celebrities are indeed "just like us": Photos. There are the celebrities and look: They eat ice cream! They tie their own shoes! They embarrass themselves in public! Just like us! But when it comes to making babies the new-fashioned way... Celebrities: Are they REALLY just like US?

The latest trend in Hollywood is to tell all about your fertility struggles. Nearly every reality show has somebody going through treatments and some are even brave enough to say they not only went through treatments but they actually used a surrogate. Now I can understand if they're coming out to the general public and announcing it, but sometimes they're actually coming out to their inner circle. I don't get it. Let's say their kid is four. So why didn't their friends already know this big surrogate bombshell 4 years 9 months ago? Do they have different friends now or just dumb friends?

I mean, didn't her friends ever notice that she never appeared to be pregnant? You're probably right. How could they know? She was doing Pilates 9 times a week, working with her trainer 4 hours a day and eating organic, non-processed seaweed every meal so they figured she just maintained her double zero bod like every other pregnant Hollywood celeb.

Then one day, the friends went to visit her house for a theme party and suddenly there was a baby there and nobody asked questions (I mean clearly it was a private family matter and they wanted to respect their good friend's privacy...To her face anyway. They talked behind her back to each other of course...and maybe to a tabloid or two...but never to her face...Classy people just don't do that.)

The only thing I have yet to see (and I probably just missed an issue of US when the story broke) is a celebrity using a surrogate to carry the baby and actually faking her own pregnancy. And there she would be in the magazine: "Daisy (46) has said she's happy the morning sickness has passed and now all she wants to do is eat chocolate pudding and potato chips! Lucky her 1980's sitcom star husband, Daniel (64) doesn't mind running out at 2 am! He dotes on her!"

"A source close to the couple says that Daniel (who has son Hiawatha, 42 and daughter Igloo, 11 with ex-girlfriend Polish Supermodel Irina Reclusiva) is totally over the moon about this pregnancy. They are both super super super super super excited!!" (Sorry for all the yelling. US magazine is very fond of exclamation points.)

Then after this charade goes on for several months, a private wing of a major LA hospital will be reserved. The celebrity parents-to-be will be whisked down in a private elevator from the heliport on the roof while the surrogate will be shoved into the freight elevator with the laundry and the dinner trays. She'll be tossed into the delivery room and a pillow put over a face to keep the noise down so as not to arouse suspicions of the press hovering about.

Due to the surrogate's inconvenient labor pains two days before her due date, the celebrity parents-to-be had to cut short their babymoon in their private villa in Bora Bora and are now consoling themselves at a cozy candlelight dinner for two prepared by Wolfgang Puck while mom-to-be has her hair done by Vidal Sassoon and has requested a loud blow dryer and a mariachi band to further muffle sounds from the sweaty episode down the hall. (At press time, it was not determined whether or not the couple's insurance would be paying for the evening)

Naturally all the "regular" women who were unlucky enough to give birth that day in that wing of the hospital were sent home within twenty minutes of delivery to ensure there would be time to convert the recovery room into a chic bistro.

The next big celebrity trend: Surrogate nannies. You hire a nanny. Then you hire another nanny to take care of the kids for her. Look for it in your next issue of US magazine.

(One final annoying reminder about my ebook: Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman's Extremely Funny Peek at the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility.. Click on icon to the right or See more reviews and chapter previews at: Also, read a brand new related post: "Where do the Hollywood Elite Go for Sperm?" over at Fertility Authority.