Infertility Advice: It Slices. It Dices.

People and their infertility advice. Take it for what it's worth which, in my experience, isn't usually a whole lot. Especially because it always seems to come from people who never let a little thing like having absolutely no personal or professional knowledge whatsoever about infertility, hinder them whatsoever from becoming self-proclaimed infertility experts. Sometimes people are so into giving infertility advice, you don't know whether to be touched by their concern, or wonder if they have stock in whatever jerky idea they're peddling. And let the infomercial begin.



"Have you heard about the 'Ovulator'? Here's the ad in this magazine. Just 19.99"

First the disclaimer: She has to let you know that unlike yours, there's nothing wrong with her reproductive system.

"The Ovulator is an amazing product. Of course I never tried it myself. You know I never have any trouble getting pregnant. All my husband has to do is look at me and I get pregnant. (Hm. I don't remember learning that in Health class. Maybe infertile women should spend more time walking past construction sites and less time in fertility clinics.)

Now for the infomercial:

"This girl I used to work with, she had the same problem you have... until she tried the Ovulator"

Who is this co-worker? Bring her to me. I don't believe she exists. She's just concocted to add credibility to her and her ridiculous infertility advice. Notice it's always a former co-worker. Nobody she sees every day. This way, if you want to ask the lady personally how she liked the Ovulator, she can magically poof away into the ether. Nobody's heard from her. Nobody knows where she lives. The day she left the job, she moved, changed her cell phone number and closed her FaceBook account.

But the one thing we can be sure of about this ex co-worker is that she had the same problem you do. In fact you have two problems in common. Infertility issues and that you both know someone who dishes out infertility advice from an ad at the supermarket check-out that's next to a photo of Khloe Kardashian's love child with Prince William.

And if you ask this person what fertility problem the coworker had she'll say: "Same as you. She couldn't get pregnant." There, you go. It's amazing how simple it was. I wonder why my team of fertility specialists couldn't figure out that that was my fertility problem all along: I couldn't get pregnant.

(Does she offer her same common sense infertility advice to lesbian couples?: "Hey, I think I just figured out why neither of you can get pregnant...")

And as your eyes are glazing over and she senses her sales pitch has been a flop, she has to make one last valiant effort:

"I just thought, before you wasted any more time or money with those doctors... The Ovulator...It might be worth a try because... (Here it comes. Wait for it.) Hey, you never know..."

And it makes sense. Whenever I have any health concerns, on my way to the pharmacy at the back of the store, I always peruse the "As Seen on TV" shelf first. Doesn't everyone? Because... hey, you never know.

(Thanks so much for stopping by! Hope you're feeling a little bit better than you did when you got here. Please consider signing up for my newsletter and/or looking at my eBook: Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman's Extremely Funny Peek into the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility. It's recommended by top fertility specialists around the U.S. and has been downloaded by thousands of fertility patients, partners, and professionals looking to laugh through the stress of infertility.