Clearly I have a big mouth and I don't edit myself well. Clearly I don't even try to. My newest post over at Fertility Authority is called: "Infertility is Hard Enough Without...". Gee, where have I heard that before? Oh yeah, right there, three lines up. http://fertilityauthority.com/blogger/1013368
I decided that one measly post by itself couldn't possibly contain all of the zillions of ways any one of us could finish that sentence. So I thought I would write the sequel here. I mean this could be a prequel. I doubt very much that if you read this one first then pop over there that you're going to be lost. I mean it's a humor post. It ain't Star Wars. Nobody's introduced in the original post and then dead in the sequel.
It's not a soap opera either where somebody's born on Tuesday, has her Sweet Sixteen on Thursday and is married two weeks later.
So let's get right into it shall we? (For me, procrastinating for only two paragraphs is getting "right into it")
In the Fertility Authority post we dealt with annoying people you made the mistake of confiding in, the pesky medical bills, and extraneous folk in our lives who feel somehow that their experience as a cashier at the convenience store has qualified them to offer you "expert" fertility advice...which unless their conception advice somehow involves an Icee, obviously they don't know sht about ... Let's proceed, shall we?
"Infertility is Hard Enough Without..." Living your Whole Life in an Online Fertility Forum
Okay, so I don't feel good about my infertility situation right now. Okay, I don't feel good about my relationship right now. Okay, I don't feel good about myself right now. So clearly the only rational answer is: I'll spend 23 hours a day jockeying for position on the window ledge 400 sad infertility stories up with a bunch of other women, and at the end of the day, we'll all feel better. And...How exactly is that going to happen again?
"Infertility is Hard Enough Without..." Dealing with Unqualified People
So your whole life, maybe since you're five, you've lived under the misconception that answering a phone was not too trying a task. I mean, that was probably the age when you started answering it yourself and by the second or third "hello, hello?" realized you had the damn receiver upside down. So it's mesmerizing when you meet a receptionist who's ill-equipped to multi-task even when multi-tasking at this particular office only entails smiling and looking at you at the same time. Nowadays there's no excuse to have a lousy receptionist. I mean if you see one that totally sucks you think: "This state has the third highest unemployment rate in the Country, and this yutz has a job?"
"Infertility is Hard Enough Without..." There Being No Guarantees
So let me get this straight: You're going to send me through a bunch of tests, I'm going to have ten or twelve strangers' fingerprints on both my internal and external organs, I'm going to pay a fortune for the privilege, I'm going to have to go to psycho and/or aromatherapy to get over my fear of needles...This may go on for weeks, months, or eons during which time I may lose my social life, my love life and my mind... and NOBODY will ever guarantee me that this will ever work? What is this fertility treatment thing anyway? A cult?...Maybe I should just try Kabbalah like Madonna. Or Nutrisystem like Marie Osmond.
*** So if you'd like to subscribe to this blog and/or purchase or preview my ebook, check out the right sidebar over there..not there...up a little...now you got it.
And if you'd like to continue these "Infertility is Hard Enough Without..." shenanigans, please cut and paste your way right over to Fertility Authority for the prequel, sequel...whatever the hell it is. http://fertilityauthority.com/blogger/1013368