Whether you've been embroiled in the infertility drama for a few weeks or decades, you probably don't need me to tell you that emotionally and physically there are thousands of ups and downs. (Financially, it's just one big plummet into a bottomless pit. I personally never found any financial "Up's". Has anybody?) But emotionally, this BS infertility ride is one giant roller coaster. Welcome to my infertility theme park.
"I'm on this nightmare of a ride! Hey, there's a seat available next to me. Jump right in! Let's ride together! We brought oodles of us to this infertility theme park today. Do we get group rates? Can we get all 7 million of us into the ride at the same time? Maybe if we squeeze. Hold your breath everybody. I hope nobody had a big breakfast! Ow, could you move your elbow? Okay, hang on, here we go! Weeeeeee! Oh my gosh look at that hill. I told you I didn't want a front seat on this ride. Weeeeeee!"
"Hey look... Let's go on the Life Altering ride next! Wait, I'm not sure I'm going to like this one. It looks like it just keeps spinning and spinning and spinning out of control. Is it ever going to stop? I'm soooo dizzy. I feel nauseous. Maybe I'm pregnant? I heard this ride is two weeks long. I hope that's just a rumor. I don't really have to wait two weeks to get off this ride do I?"
"Let's sit for a while and get something to eat. Look at the menu. Oh good. They specialize in comfort food. Let's see, they sell ice cream, only by the gallon (no sharing). I'll have the deep fried onion ring and french fries combo meal... extra salt with a side of lard please. What does that come with?" "Napkins. That will be $35."
"And over there they have the games. There's "Shoot-the-Water-into-the-Infertile-Lady's-Mouth". Look, the balloon grows out of her belly as you aim the water into her mouth. The first balloon belly to pop wins! Uh oh...Look at that sign: 'Not a winner every time'."
"And there's a manly looking game. You shoot the rifle and try to hit that target right there that says "Infertility". I get it, you're trying to kill infertility with the bullets. Clever. That doesn't look so hard. Oh, wait, I see. Some of the guns are shooting blanks. Wait, is it just me, have I been going through this too long, or are those rifles shaped like a...no it can't be...I know this is a theme park, but that's a little... okay, you're right, it is kinda funny."
"Look over there! This one's a little water tour. Look there's a display of a couple in Japan. Look! He's giving her a butt injection. Oh, they're so cute. And there's a Dutch couple in that display. Awww it's a little fertility clinic .. Look! Can you see? She still has her little wooden shoes on while her feet are in the stirrups! And there's a couple in a fertility clinic waiting room in Ireland. Look! They don't have magazines to entertain them while they're waiting like we do. They have Riverdance performing live!... Well, I guess we're not the only ones in this boat. It really is a small world after all!"
And if you'd like to see more of my stupidity, please consider subscribing to this blog and/or reading my ebook: Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman's Extremely Funny Peek into the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility--- Info for both to your right.........
Have a wonderful 4th of July week and/or Canada Day etc etc week!