Infertility News: Story at 11 (Wednesday)

(Start with "Monday" if you can. "All the infertility news thats fit to print" or shove into a blog anyway.)   So, what were we talking about? Oh right. How there are these guys in England who were making a fortune providing sperm to women who needed it. It's your basic win-win situation: The woman gets the opportunity to try for that baby she has so desperately wanted and the guy gets to grope himself for cash. Everybody's happy. Also in Infertility News: 

When you go through in-vitro you can't help but wonder what the long term effects might be on your future kids.

I mean every minute I was being injected with some kind of hormone or something. I kept thinking: "I wonder what could happen down the line. Will my baby be born with two heads, have a mohawk or speak fluent Romanian?"

A new study came out that compared Iowa kids between 8 and 17 years old. The test scores of 463 IVF-conceived kids were compared to those of kids conceived via the boring old-fashioned, touch and tickle method. And guess what?

The IVF-ers scored higher on all standarized tests. (Go team!) 

Okay, so the study doesn't say why and nobody really knows why. I have my own theories.

1) IVF kids learn how to study independently. Their parents are so worn out from the whole IVF ordeal, even ten years later, they're in no position to help.

2) Poor kids have lower self-esteem and always have to work harder. Nobody is poorer than a twelve year old kid whose parents are still paying off their IVF treatments.

3) The IVF kids began their lives in a calm lab setting where dad gently swam toward mom. They weren't traumatized by the sweaty, physical, Marvin Gaye and wine.-induced bump and grind romp like most kids.  

Cryopreservation--freezing embryos-- didn't affect the scores. It's good to know that their brains don't harden up. I mean look what happens to a Milky Way when you stick it in the freezer (mmmmmmmm).

Also, method of insemination didn't affect scores. So whether a professional impregnated the ladies in a clinic or they had a do-it-yourself kit purchased for $12.99 on an infomercial, I guess their kid still turned out fine.

My concern is: The people doing the study sent out questionnaires to parents to see if they would participate. So, how did they know which kids were born via IVF? I know that at my clinic I checked something on the application that said I'd be open to clinical studies. I'm assuming that how they found these people.

I mean there's probably not segregated classes in the Iowa school systems: IVF kids on one side of the room: "You guys sit by the air-conditioning. I think you'll be more comfortable."

IVF football team: One person on the other team has the ball, twelve million try to tackle him.

IVF debate team: "Your parents went out to dinner, checked into a motel and did what? That's not where babies come from! Who told you that disgusting lie?!"

Chess Club: King's Rook to upper outer quadrant.

Prom Gowns: Open in the front.

Listen, I gotta go. If I don't stop myself now, who knows how far out of control this list might go.

If you have a moment, take a look at Counselor Tracy Birkinbine's article featured this week in Health Experts about how men and women deal with infertility differently. Interesting stuff.

I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.