Infertility Treatments Overseas: Mixing Misery with Pleasure (Wednesday)

(Start with "Monday" if you can. We've been taking a whirlwind infertility treatment tour around the world and to exotic islands this week. Please don't leave me stranded...And if you'd like more adventure, please subscribe. There are nifty blog-related offers on the horizon and weekly musings about each week's posts.) So, what were we talking about? Oh right. Lots of people are traveling overseas these days for a wide array of procedures- Including fertility treatments. Some call it "Medical Tourism". Some call it "Global Healthcare". Does either title say what it really is? Nope. I don't think so.

To me "Medical Tourism" sounds like a bunch of doctors having their annual conference on a cruise in the mediterranean over martinis.

It sounds like  (Warning: Sexist remark on the way) what some of the male doctors might say trying to impress a woman after they've had a few too many:  "Hey I'm a doctor. We're on a ship. Wanna do some medical tourism? We can explore each other". A nice pick-up line I suppose until the choppy waves collide in his stomach with the eight martinis and he has to lean over the side of the sea.  

Or, "Medical Tourism" could mean: You attend all of your appointments over there etc etc. So you're pelvis-deep in the "Medical" half. Now for the "Tour"part. It might well be like every other tour I've ever gone on:

"And the first baby born in this country using a donor egg was born in this house in 1873. The original house stood on a site about three miles from here and burned down in 1893 and remained in ruins  until 2010 when the Historical Society in conjunction with the International Egg Donors Association restored it to its original splendor, moved the structure to this site, and opened it to tourists at $10 a pop."

Others call going "over there" for procedures: "Global Healthcare". I like the sound of that. Doesn't sound even remotely like what it is though. What it does sound like is the world's best insurance plan: 

"Hey let me go anywhere in the world and get the best treatments available on the planet. No co-pays. No deductibles. Everybody accepts it. You've got Global Healthcare? Come on in! An appointment just opened up!"

Picture it: I show up to the absolute best fertility doctor in Austria unannounced. It's twelve o'clock Vienna time. There's a "Closed for lunch" sign. (I mean"Uber Mittag Geshlossen"...according to google anyway) No problem. I just show up and press my blinking pink neon "Global Healthcare" card against the locked door. In fact, I don't even have to get out of my car. The reader on the door reads my card from inside my pocketbook a mile before I even get there. 

By the time I've pulled in front of the joint, the door has been unlocked, flung open and the entire staff including six fertility doctors and two embryologists are waiting on the sidewalk to welcome me with homemade streudel and the finest non-alcoholic champagne in Austria. "Willkommen" (Screw Google. That one I remember from "Cabaret")

So, the term "Medical Tourism" doesn't quite work for me. Neither does "Global Healthcare". Neither quite says what it is. But I suppose: "I tried everything I could at home. But I can't afford the treatments. Or even the drugs. So we're taking the last bit of money we could beg, borrow, or steal and taking a chance on a last ditch effort to try our last hope with this procedure that they do over there for less"... would cost way too much to put in an ad...and would probably make a sucky headline.

Listen I gotta go. Today's "hump" day...So shouldn't we all be getting...back to work I guess.

I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.