Irritations that No Amount of Gold Bond Will Help

Everyone loves to tell you "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff". Unfortunately many things which I find irksome take place while I'm driving. And since my car doesn't currently have air conditioning or windows that open, I can't help literally, sweating the small stuff. Of course I'm an excellent driver. I inherited this talent from my father who was the self-proclaimed best driver who had ever driven. (My husband might dispute this title as he once was a passenger when my father decided to make a U-turn around four lanes of traffic and an island. This took place 9 years ago. About a month ago, my husband finally stopped waking up in the middle of the night screaming and asking if the "bad man" was gone.)

There are some unacceptable combinations in this world: Things that must never go together- like a size 24 wearing a size 8 or an 84 year old driving 84 miles per hour. My father drove fast and he drove angry. He had road rage way before people "helped" by making phone videos and sending them to the local news. You haven't lived until you've witnessed an elderly person yelling the word: "C---Sucker!" out his car window. (Sorry... Just reporting the facts here.)

I don't think I'm quite that bad when I'm driving (though I'm sure he didn't think he was that bad either) and yet I am a Daddy's Girl. So forgetting for a moment that I'm already irritable when I get into the car because I have no air conditioning and the windows don't open and that I'm resentful because I should rightfully be driving a brand new convertible (see my hair in photo above. Clearly it was made to cascade in the wind and obstruct the view of drivers behind me).

There are a few pet peeves I have with others on the road.

1) People who drive under the speed limit. It's only 45 mph. You can't do the whole 45? Granted, if I have nothing but open road in front of me I might, like Dad, be tempted to do 85. But I'm not asking that of you. The whole 45, not 41. That's all I ask.

2) Texting, make-up application... I even hate when people drive with a phone especially if it's up to their left ear because not only does it divide their attention but it takes away their peripheral vision. I saw a poor guy in a pick-up drive off into a drainage ditch the other day because a woman on her phone wanted his spot in the lane badly and had no idea he was already in it.

3) People who have to stop completely before making a turn. Why? Are you under the impression that your car will flip over and burst into flames if you're doing 15? I assure you. It won't.

4) People who back into parking spots on a regular basis. I don't get the benefit. And it louses me up when I park normally in the spot next to them. I go to open my doors and their doors aren't where they're supposed to be... Neither's their rearview mirror. It's like a weird new sexual position. You end up with extra parts with nowhere comfortable to put them. Everything fits fine when you face the right way... And when people back into parking spots, it usually takes them 5 tries to get it right. (Just like... never mind.)

So maybe there's a reason greater than us why my windows don't open. It's like the universe and Chevrolet have come together to keep peace in our society by preventing me from yelling out hip-hop lyrics or using hand gestures not found in the DMV manual.