It's not possible to Keep up with Them...

I have never seen one minute of one episode of the Kardashians. I really would tell you if I had. I have no problem admitting, even bragging about my so-called "guilty pleasures" even when others are less than forthcoming.  (Like supposedly nobody I ever met eats fast food. This means that I alone, when I indulge in the good crap once a week, am somehow the sole supporter of a billion dollar a year industry even though my entire weekly combo meal totals $6.24. Which leads me to conclude that most of my friends are full of burgers, fries, nuggets, and something else.) It's not that I think I'm above watching the Kardashians. I'm just more of a Braxtons' girl. I know very few things about the Kardashians: Only the important stuff: I know Kim is very proud of her ass (as we all should be), she and Kanye are short, and they're apparently big Hitchcock fans because they named their daughter after one of his movies. And, the latest bit of Kardashian info I've gathered: Man, are they competitive.

On the one hand, here was "Bruce" Jenner as we knew "him" until a month ago: Father to several, step-father to several more. He hadn't been just any athlete. He'd hit the pinnacle of athletes: He was an Olympic gold medalist...in the decathlon no less. So he didn't just ping-pong or bowl his way to victory. No. He ran, jumped, and threw things long distances to victory.  Pretty impressive stuff.

Then over here we have the Kardashians. They're famous and great at it. Now back to "Bruce" for a moment.

So now, finally, after decades of struggling with it, for what probably felt like a decathlon that went on for more than 60 years, we are introduced to Caitlyn Jenner. This is a huge deal. She said: "Here I am. You might like me. You might not like me. Whatever." She took all the high roads: Diane Sawyer not Jerry Springer, Vanity Fair, Annie Leibovitz. No tabloidy crappola with Caitlyn's face making out with Lady Gaga's face on the cover. (I'm sure somebody's in a very dark darkroom putting it together as we speak.)

So this is the biggest Kardashian/Jenner news ever! Top that! Oh, wait. Five minutes after the Vanity Fair cover is revealed- Caitlyn's humongo news that has been brewing inside her for six decades- Kim's finally pregnant again. Imagine that. The lights from Caitlyn's photo shoot hadn't even cooled off yet. What are the chances? Of all dumb luck. Here Kim's struggled with infertility for a while and somehow, by some miracle, she turns up pregnant and decides to tell the world NOW. I've been through infertility. Many of you are going through infertility. Try timing exactly when you get pregnant. Hmmm. So the spotlight's on Caitl... & now back to Kim.

It had to happen. The show had to get back on track somehow. I mean, the show has already had all the usual semi-unscripted soap opera requisites:  Marriage/divorce/annulment?, car crash, screwings around, pregnancy, drugs, infertility, take him back/throw him out/take him back... but "step-dad's transgender"? And likely not just for the ratings... I mean, I think most people would agree that Caitlyn's probably not turning back to "Bruce" the day after the series ends.

So once you've gone down the "step-dad's transgender road", where does a poor reality show go from here?  Kim's surprise pregnancy is definitely a good start. And there are a couple of ol' soap standbys I don't think they've tried yet: I don't remember anyone having an evil twin or amnesia. And baby North appears to still be under 2. (On Young & the Restless, she'd be driving by now.) And they all still seem to be playing themselves. I don't think there have been any voice over announcements: "The part of "Kourtney" will now be played by Stacy Meyers."

I just don't know if any of the stock storylines are good enough now. Caitlyn's announcement has really upped the ante for the whole family. The pressure is really on to be more creative.  Let's see. What can we come up with? Khloe can be the first reality star in a space mission... oh right. John Glenn was on Dancing with the Stars. I don't know but it's going to have to be big. Mom Kris or one of the sistas is going to have to date the President or the First Lady... or both... or be shot out of a cannon atop the Eiffel Tower... something.