Okay, let's get out the Ba Humbugs right now. The great thing about every infertility support forum, site, blog, kvetchfest ever written is it's a safe place for everyone to scream their combined heads off. I've written many posts over the years about holiday time. Let's face it: Among all the merriment and joyous TV commercials (I'm still waiting for my car with a giant red bow on it) holidays can be tough. They're tough for lonely people, stressed people, poor people and... infertile people (who, by the way, are usually at least two out of the three). You know the expression: "Suffer in silence"? Jewish people have never heard of it. Therefore, the thought of sucking it up and going to a holiday gathering while having fertility issues, only to listen to people I don't really want to spend time with anyway talk about me behind my back in front of my face about why I don't have kids yet or even worse, actually asking me to my face... or passing the evening looking at pictures of their kids while their kids are right there at the little folding table next to me... absolutely not. I'm not setting myself up for a night of that bullshit. No chance.
There are always two main routes to take when telling your relatives why you don't want to celebrate with them this year. One is to tell them the truth. The other is to tell them a lie. They are equal. It does not matter which you choose. The objective: Getting yourself out of a bad situation. They want you to join in the festivities. You don't want to. The bottom line is not to attend. It really doesn't matter what you say. As long as you keep that goal in mind: You don't intend to attend. No matter what you say and what they say back you must never be swayed. You must remain focused. You must remain tunnel-visioned. No matter what they say, you must drown them out with the mantra in your head: "I do not intend to attend."
The truth may cause you pain. A lie may cause them pain. 'Tis the season of giving. In other words: If someone must be sacrificed- Better them than you.
If you really feel like it's time to "come out" to someone, the truth may be the way to go. "Aunt Jen, Joe and I have been trying to have a baby for a long time now. I really don't feel like being around all those people for the holidays. I really don't want to answer a bunch of questions from the cousins. I'd also rather not see their kids running around all night. I hope you understand." Short, sweet, and most important: You're not attending.
If you tell the truth, your options of what to say or not say are limited. The truth's the truth. A lie on the other hand has endless possibilities. For example: "I'm sorry we can't come over for the holidays this year":
"I'm allergic to 1) your cat 2) your cooking 3) your perfume 4) your boyfriend 5) your stank attitude."
"I don't celebrate holidays. I just became a Jehovah's Witness last Thursday."
"We have no way to get to your house: 1) The car broke down 2) The train de-railed 3) The bus went down an embankment and 4) No, Aunt Sue can't stop by and pick us up on her way. Because didn't I mention? We don't live near her anymore. We moved last Tuesday. (It's been a busy week. We relocated and converted.)
"What is that you ask? Would it be easier for us if we made everything over at our house this year so we wouldn't have to travel? No that wouldn't be easier. Because I don't want all of you loud, annoying, greedy people with your empty array of Tupperware to take home all the leftovers of things that you didn't bring, in my house."
And that is option three of the "I do not intend to attend goal": 1) The truth 2) A lie 3) A cathartic happy medium.
Please consider more holiday yuks at infertility's expense by checking out my ebook to the right or http://licthebook.com. It can also be given as a gift for someone else going through infertility or someone you'd like to better understand what you're going through. www.amazon.com/dp/B007G9X19A Free download available at Kindle Library.