So, here in the U.S., this upcoming weekend, Memorial Day weekend, marks the unofficial beginning of summer and therefore, the beginning of barbecue season. (I think I just broke the "most commas used in a sentence" record.) The problem with barbecuing is that once someone meticulously organizes the coals and ignites them oh so carefully, (or our Jewish barbecue version where you just press a button and close the lid), people show up.
Relatives whom you haven't seen all year suddenly remember your address, (when you needed somebody to be there to sign for your couch while you were at work, they couldn't find their way. Now that there are hot dogs involved they've learned how to work the GPS.)
Neighbors from the house down the block, around the corner and through the trees on the other side of the cul-de-sac, just "happen to be passing by". Who even knew those people still lived there? Maybe this is just their summer home.
The "Laughing IS Conceivable" goal this week: Grill beef, grill pork, grill chicken... But most important:
Be the Griller not the Grilled!
Instead of the usual delightful Memorial Day gathering chatter: "So, when are you two going to have a baby?" The grill shall be on the other foot! (What the hell does that mean?)
It means that, this holiday weekend, I want our friends and family to take the hot seat on the barbecue. Let them be grilled for once. Hey, look here comes Mrs. Williams from next door looking for some ribs and slaw.
"Hi Mrs. Williams. So, where's your husband? I haven't seen him around lately."
"Why was that police car in front of your house at 2 AM last Thursday?"
"How come the Mercedes hasn't been in the driveway? Did you total it driving it like a maniac like you do or was it repossessed?"
Let's let someone else experiencing the joys of having a long weekend feel like it's just never going to end for a change.
So instead of baby, and family-building, and infertility talk- Let's rake someone else over the coals with the burgers this weekend. Sniff sniff.... So that's what singeing neighbor smells like. I've often wondered.
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Listen, I gotta go. On Maury's show today, he's doing paternity tests for women whose kids were fathered by men who live in better neighborhoods. I can't miss it.
I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.