Looking for Fertility Advice in all the Wrong Places

Day time TV has all the answers you need on how to get pregnant. No not "The Doctors" or "Dr. Oz" or "The View". Sure, go through the standard channels to try to get pregnant: An Ob/Gyn, a fertility doctor. Even try some of the less conventional routes if you like: Nutritionists, acupuncturists, yoga gurus, chiropractors, physical therapists, psychics... Ask for advice from your aunt with eleven kids, your neighbor who has no kids, (but then again she's also an unmarried marriage counselor who lives with her brother, the bald hair stylist). Then when you're done with all those lightweights...turn on the Maury show where you'll finally get some practical insight from those who wrote the book: "How to Get Pregnant Without Even Trying".

Where I live it's on twice a day. It' not entertainment. It's a 2 hour daily intensive dose of fertility therapy from people who know what they're talking about even when they have no idea what they're talking about.

So get your bowl of fertile snacks: Whole fat dairy products, whole grains, avocado, and leafy greans, and pull up a chair to the top ten tidbits I've learned from the Maury Show. (If you've ever seen the show, you know they also have daily tutorials on "Profuse Lying", "Butchering the English Language", and "Saying the same thing the last 4000 Maury guests said")

What You Must Know to Get Pregnant

1) Contrary to what your mom told you, you don't have to be in love to get pregnant. Booty calls work just fine.

2) If you sleep with your husband you will not get pregnant. If you sleep with his brother, you will.

3) If you sleep with your husband you will not get pregnant. If you sleep with your sister's husband, you will.

4) If you sleep with your first husband you will not get pregnant. If you sleep with your mother's third husband, you will.

5) If you sleep with your first husband he will not get you pregnant unless you divorce him, get married to someone else and then sleep with your first husband.

6) Excessive alcohol leads to pregnancy whether or not you remember getting to know the future paternity test recipient on the tile floor of your aunt's bathroom.

7) Family BBQ's lead to pregnancy. (It must have something to do with the potato salad.)

8) Getting pregnant is a game of numbers. If you sleep with one person once a week, you won't get pregnant. If you sleep with everyone once a week, you will.

9) If you do a guy you met on the internet, you will get pregnant. Cyber-perverts are very fertile.

10) If you do at least one of the above, you will get pregnant. Then, as all of his previous guests have done, you can thank Maury personally when you go on his show to find out who your baby-daddy is.

(Lori Shandle-Fox is the author of the ebook: Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman's Extremely Funny Peek into the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility: $2.99 USD or Free at the Kindle Library. Click on icon to the right or visit www.amazon.com/dp/B007G9X19A for Reviews & Chapter Previews)