The Infertility Maze

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Corn mazes: They're one of my favorite parts of Fall. The sweet smell of corn. The sweet sound of wives yelling at the back of their husbands' heads: "Can you just wave the damn flag already so they can come get us out of here, you stubborn…?!" Every year, my husband and I go to the same corn maze. It's carved out the same way. We get lost in all the same places. Sure, we can always see the exit clearly. We just can't figure out how to get there without intervention- divine or otherwise... Hm... Sound familiar? When you first get into the corn maze we go to, you notice the entrance is right next to the exit. Just like when you're trying to get pregnant (get your mind out of the gutter).. what I mean is-- we all think "Hey, it's September. We'll have a June baby! It's so simple. I see the end. It's right there. I can practically touch it."

But what we don't see coming with either the corn maze or trying to get pregnant, is that for many of us there are all kinds of twists and turns and running into a lot of dead ends en route to that exit. (You'd think we would have had a hint of the difficulties ahead at least at the corn maze. I mean, you know, it has "maze" in its name.)

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So we head into the trying-to-conceive maze innocently enough, skipping merrily hand in hand, eagerly following the pink and blue ribbons straight ahead. Then we take a pregnancy test. That can't be right. Then we take another pregnancy test. That can't be right either. We hit a detour in the road. “Straight ahead” is no longer an option. We head right…into ovulation tests, fertility diet books, and unsolicited advice that nobody asked for or solicited. Then we take another pregnancy test or two or six. Negative. We realize that we've gone in a circle: We're back where we were before we hit the detour.

So we head left this time. The ribbons are green. Our friendly neighborhood OB/GYN gives us some fertility drugs to try. Dead end. Turn around. Follow the green ribbons in the that direction. Reproductive Endocrinologist tries IUI. Following the green ribbons. Following the green ribbons. It's the exit! I see the exit! Ah, crap, it's not the exit. It's the entrance again. I knew it looked familiar. We're starting all over again. Another go at IUI. Following the green ribbons. Follow follow follow follow... Follow the green ribbons and we're about to arrive... it's... it's...  the damn entrance again! Well, just for the heck of it, let's try this same exact dead end path twice more... just to be sure it's not the right way. The ribbons are red now. We're not even in the green zone anymore. Then we somehow end up at IVF. Nope. Still red. Should we just wave the stinking white flag and give up already? Wait, what's this little path? Have we tried it before? Maybe. I don't know. I'm so turned around.  FET (frozen embryo transfer)? Let's just go there. I'm exhausted. I'm irritable. I'm desperate to get out of this idiotic maze already. The exit! Unbelievably, miraculously it really is the way out!

In both the corn maze and the conception maze, patience and perseverance can definitely pay off. And, at least for one of them... it doesn't hurt to smuggle in a pair of hedge clippers.

**************I truly appreciate you stopping by today! I hope you feel even just a little bit better than you did when you first got here. If you’d like more laughs at infertility’s expense, please check out my books at: http://laughingisconceivable.com

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