Spring Break for Infertile Women. Maybe I should pitch the idea to MTV. What's hotter than watching a group of women in thong bikinis doing shots on the beach at sunset? MTV would never air it. They'd be out of business in hours. Clearly women going through fertility treatments desperately need a crazy, wild, college-esque Spring Break. It would just be too disturbing to televise.
I could just picture all of us happy gals getting together for Spring Break. Couldn't you? All of us...thousands... of us...in one big sorority house: The Delta Gamma Gametes.
How long do you think it would be before our "House of Fun" became a "Fun House"...like at a carnival? Or do I mean "House of Horrors"?
I think everything would start out all warm and fuzzy and chummy and supportive. Then, slowly but surely, we would lose that lovin' feeling and quickly turn into "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Hormones."
And let's see what's on the week's agenda, shall we?
Day 1: So who's bringing what to the pity party?
"You people just don't understand what I'm going through! Oh wait. Yeah, you're going through it too. I forgot. So then if you do know what I'm going through, why don't you know that I just want all of you to go away and leave me alone?!"
Day 2: Spring Break Work Out: Let's Get Critical...Critical...
"I know we all hate when people talk about their kids in front of us, so why are we all sitting around talking to each other about how we hate to talk about other people's kids with other people?"
Day 3: Let the "Wet T-shirt" and other hormone-induced Competitions Begin
"I know it's horrible that you've been going through this for two years...and I do feel for you...I really do...but I've been going through this for two and a half years!"
"Two and a half years?! OMG. If I have to go through this for another six months I'll kill myself!"
"Thanks a lot! I've been going through this for six years."
And how about a few hands of Progesterone Poker?:
"Really? Well, I've been going through this for six years AND I've had two surgeries and three IUI's."
"Well, I've had two surgeries, four IUI's, one IVF and an FET!"
Day 4: You know the fun is on the wane when housekeeping becomes a top priority.
"And if you guys are going to throw Baby Dust at each other, which I think is great...I'm of course all for it... could you at least clean it up when you're done? I don't mean to complain, it's just like... I'm sure I'm not the only one here who knows how to use a vacuum!"
Back a minute to Doing Shots...
While we women would only have limited technology... A red phone... (A hotline to our fertility doctors for "emergency" questions...)
Our spouses/boyfriends/lovers/partners would be on Spring Break too... in a separate wing of the house. Way over there. Just them, air conditioning, big screen TVs, a 24 hour open bar, pool tables, putting green, stocked refrigerators, two toilets each... and sound-proof walls...
(Hope you laughed today... Please consider signing up for this blog / looking into my Humor eBook over there to the left and at http://licthebook.com)