My Private Infertility: Trying To Keep Everyone's Nose Out Of My Uterus (Thursday)

(Start with "Monday" if you can.  It's a great mind game. You can pretend it's Monday but know that it's really Thursday.)  So what were we talking about? Oh right. More mind games people play. People love to say: "He plays too many games. I don't like people who play games."

It depends. If someone wants to ask awkward, humiliating questions that are none of their concern, I say:  Let the games begin. 

I try to never write the same thing twice but a few weeks back I introduced you to my "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" game. And it works oh so well for dealing with your garden variety yenta that I'm reviving it here.

The game goes like this: (Lori vs Opponent #1: The Nosy Neighbor)

You don't ask me why I don't have kids and I won't ask you...

(My turn to pick a card)  

Why the newspaper delivery guy's car is still in your driveway at noon.

You don't ask me why I have so many doctor's appointments and I won't ask you...

Why last Thursday, the same newspaper delivery guy jumped out of your second story window wearing only one shoe and hopped to his car like Thumper on crack...

You don't ask why I haven't felt like socializing in the past several months and I won't ask you...

Why nobody on the block, but you, has gotten a newspaper since March.

You don't ask why I'm always irritable and I won't ask you...

The true meaning of "home delivery".

(At this point, the clean-up crew comes along and mops up Opponent #1. Neeeext!)

Lori vs Opponent #2: The Nosy Coworker

You don't ask why I come to work three days a week with a bandaid on my arm, and I won't ask...

(My turn to pick a card)

Why the vacant desk next to yours apparently has no computer under it anymore.

You don't ask why I come in to work late three days a week and I won't ask...

Why you were on your hands and knees under that dark desk after quitting time mumbling: "How do you unplug this damn thing?"

You don't ask why I've become extremely moody and I won't ask...

Why you went to Staples on your lunch break to buy a new computer desk for your den.

You don't ask why I don't go to the company family picnics and I won't ask...

Why when you purchased the desk, you had to have it delivered because there was no room in your trunk... because it had a computer in it... and a keyboard.

...And there was a mouse in the glove compartment... and a mouse pad...  

(At this point, the clean-up crew comes by with a vacuum and sucks up Opponent #2)

Listen I gotta go. I just remembered I had something in my trunk I'd better put somewhere before the wrong set of eyes reads this. I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.

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