Nobel Prize Winners: Those Rat Bastards (Wednesday)

(Start with "Monday" if you can. The phrase "Rat Bastards" has more umph if you see it written three consecutive times.) So, what were we talking about? Oh right.  A blog I read that blames Dr. Robert Edwards, the "Father of  IVF" and Nobel Prize winner for the Octomom. Well, it's true. Nadya Suleman needs help with her 72 kids. What kind of a father has Dr. Edwards been to them? He probably wasn't even there for her almost reality show.  

The blogger further kvetches: 

"Louise Brown: The world's first 'test-tube baby' doesn't just owe her life to the Brit who played around with some sperm and made her for Lesley and John Brown back in 1978. She's a bona fide celeb. And all she had to do was be born!" 

I don't know about you, but I've played around with sperm a lot. I've never been able to make a baby with it. You know when you were a kid and you put glue on your hand and let it dry and then peeled it off? Well... anyway.

So, these two brilliant scientists just "played around with sperm" and John Brown's baby was born with a cold upon her chest and they rubbed it with camphorated oil. (If you don't know the song, I must sound like a lunatic to you about now.)

Anyway... I had no idea that's all there was to this whole IVF jazz.

I was under the impression that these scientists put years and years of research into in-vitro and then you went to a doctor and had a million tests and sonograms, and people poking your uterine lining and took zillions of pills and hormones and shots and got anesthesia and they took eggs out of you and then they put them with the sperm and then implanted them back in you and then you waited and then you were pregnant or not and then if not you had to start all over.

I never realized it was just a couple of guys playing around with sperm. Then again, if they told us that, who would pay $15,000?

And then there's the bit in that warm, fuzzy, post about Louise Brown being  a celeb. (I assume she means "celebrity". I don't know that Louise Brown is celibate.)

"All she had to do (to be famous) was be born."

I've never heard of anyone just being born into fame, have you?

Not Prince William or Prince Harry. Not Madonna's daughter, Lourdes, or Brad and Angelina's three biological kids...or anyone else whose parents are on TV or in the movies, or singers, or rich, or mobsters, or royalty, or politicians.

So let's wikipedia Louise Brown and see exactly how she has manipulated the media and completely exploited her status as the first baby born via IVF, shall we?

Okay, she was a postal worker. And a baby nurse. How dare she? Who the hell does she think she is?

Then she got married and had a baby your usual, run-of-the-mill, after-dinner and a movie conception. So where's the reality show? Where's her mug shot? Where's the weekly stints in rehab? Where are the photos of her singing the national anthem at sporting events? Or the ones of her stripping? Or in Playboy? Or dating John Mayer? Or, at the very least...very, very, least... very least... signing a contract to be on "Dancing with the Stars"?     

What kind of a sucky celebrity is this Louise Brown? It's been 32 years already. You'd think she'd have had at least one decent scandal.

Listen, I gotta go. I'm determined to dig up some dirt on this Louise Brown, test-tube baby extraordinaire or maybe I'll just dig up some on that hateful blogger chick.

I'll talk with ya again tomorrow. If you can't bear to log off just yet,  check out this week's article in "Health Experts": "Partnering with your Reproductive Endocrinologist" by Shari Stewart and Julia Krahm.