Of Mice and Men and Sperm

I'm an angry bitter woman and I don't try to hide it. Okay, I brag about it to all who will listen. A while back, I wrote a post about some break-through in male infertility. Well, there's just been another one. Great. I mean: "Great!"

Sure it's wonderful that guys who are infertile have hope to become fathers naturally. But why is it that each time there's new fertility hope for men, they are required to do less and less? More on that in a second. First a bit of background in case you haven't read the wretched article.

Researchers in Germany were able to create mouse sperm in a lab using germ cells. I found this article intriguing. (Although, immature as I am, my first reaction was to giggle since the mouse study was done at Muenster University.)

Although it hasn't worked yet in humans, scientists find it promising because if it can work for one mammal, it should be able to work in others as well.

So if one day soon, all of the stars align with the right test tubes, chemicals, scientists, and another thousand lab-related things which I have no intention of pretending I know a thing about, millions of infertile men out there might get the call.

"Hi Mr. Jones. Are you by chance still infertile? You are? Excellent! If it's okay with you, we'd like to take some of these cells and mix them with those cells and your wife should be pregnant by Tuesday. Sounds good?"

Now you know why I'm pissed. Where's the rigmarole? Where's the song and dance, trial and error, hundreds of doctor appointments, dozens of tests, dozens of needles, dozens of medications, and bills that run from here to Toledo (Ohio or Spain--take your pick)?

"Mr. Jones, your cure is ready. Can you come by tomorrow and pick it up?" What the fk is that?

Or maybe they won't even have to go to the doctor's office. Maybe the doctor can just drop it off on the way home from the office. Wouldn't want to inconvenience Mr. Jones.

In the same article in the Huffington Post UK, there were tips from previous studies on vitamins which have been proven to boost men's fertility: Vitamin E, Vitamin  B12, Vitamin C.

So here we are, a bunch of tired old infertile broads, running to doctors, and specialists, and a specialist who specialists refer special patients to, combing the Sunday circular for coupons for ovulation meds, changing our work schedules to fit our medical appointment schedules, being  jabbed in the stomach and the ass more than a pig at a luau...

And there he is, watching Family Guy and drinking orange juice. I can't wait until the next report comes out and studies show that the key to maintaining plentiful sperm is sitting on the couch and scratching your... never mind.  

There's no way that could help male infertility. Men would have made that connection centuries ago. Although, I'm sure some guys still claim it to be true: "I'm telling you honey, I read it in a medical journal. The more I scratch, the more kids we'll have."

Those are the same guys who were telling their girlfriends in high school: "Trust me, nobody counts it when you do it in the back seat."

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Also...(geez this woman asks a lot from her readers) Please click over to Fertility Authority if you can. My new post: "Did YOU Survive the Holidays?" about New Year's resolutions and people who are perfect during the holidays, will be posted shortly.  http://fertilityauthority.com/blogger/1013368