"Out of the Roaster and into the Frying Pan" (Friday)

I know I know I'm late posting again. I was frying potato pancakes for Chanukah and the hot oil got me in the arm and I had to be rushed to the hospital. There's nothing worse than a third degree latke burn.  (Start with "Monday" if you can. You need a break from your online holiday shopping.  Listen to what I'm saying.  Between Saturday and now, you've managed to memorize all of your credit card numbers. It's a bad sign.)

So, what were we talking about? Oh right. Spending the holidays with your relatives... and their friends.

So which is worse: Being around relatives who may already know about your infertility or at least suspect...or their friends who are total strangers and know nothing?

Believe it or not, people who know you well are easier to deal with I think. Like I said yesterday: Two-way street. They know you have no kids. Maybe they know there's something up. But you've got dirt on them too. Just keep answering their questions with questions. Keep the chat movin'.

"Weren't you doing those fertility shot treatment things?"

"Weren't you taking 'increase your IQ' classes"?

"Do you feel uncomfortable around pregnant women?"

"Do you feel uncomfortable around smart women?"

"Are you still going to the same doctor?"

"Are you still going to the same high school?"

But friends of your relatives...nothing. You've got nothing on them. No ammo. I mean you can always just take a shot in the dark and hope you stir up some trouble. It would definitely take the focus of the conversation off of your issues.

"Hi I'm Mary. I work with your cousin. These are my kids. Do you have kids?"

"Mary...Mary... Aren't you the one who has a divorced-with-benefits relationship with her ex?"

"Hi I'm Paula. I live next door. I'm a nuclear physicist."

"Oh wow, that's interesting. I've never met a nuclear physicist before."

"Do you have kids?" 

"Wait. My cousin mentioned you. Didn't your name used to be 'Paul'... and you had a wife named Sue?"

"Hi. I'm Jackie. And over there are Jayden, and Jaylen and Jamie and Jason... Do you have any... "

"Oh right. Jackie. The crack whore."

Desperate times call for desperate measures.  

Listen I gotta go.  It's the third night of Chanukah and my husband and I are going to play our own version of "spin the dreidel".

I'll talk with ya again on Monday.