When you have to deal with infertility, you quickly realize that there are three types of people in your life: 1) People who really care about your infertility business. 2) People who really don't care about your infertility business and 3) People who only care about your infertility business so they can focus on your life instead of their unbearably humdrum one. So are we supposed to gather up everyone in our lives and hold a meeting to periodically update them on our infertility issues like that nice lady below is doing?
What Baby Making / Infertility Info You Owe Family, Friends, & other Random People
To whom do we owe information and how much information do we owe them? You know, are we obligated to tell our parents that we're having trouble getting pregnant but not that we're going to a Reproductive Endocrinologist? Or do we owe it to our sister to tell her we're doing treatments but not that we're considering an egg donor? Or do we owe our employers details on which procedures we're having done on which day? My strong belief regarding us and our personal infertility business is: Screw 'em all. We don't owe anybody anything. Your husband/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend should be in on all of this infertility crappola since they're the other half of this upheaval. They should hear everything you hear and see everything you see. Just them. That's it. My philosophy is simple: If your body parts aren't involved in this process and you're not going to be primarily raising the person or persons who are born as a result of this process, you don't need to know anything about the process. So shut up and go away. Don't call us, we'll call you.
Your Best Friends during Infertility Should be Total Strangers
This is why infertility support forum strangers are sometimes better to talk to than people you know. You can go on and on and on and on and on and on and:
- Nobody thinks you're a nut-job. Or, let me rephrase that: They know you're a nut-job because at this moment in their lives, they're also nut-jobs.
- You don't have to explain why you're acting so pissy, sad, depressed, frustrated or like you want to punch everyone in the face... because everyone in the group is acting that way.
- You can share your day-to-day infertility business or not and nobody's going to grill you like a patty melt at Denny's.
- They won't compare you to your sister with three kids, your best friend from high school who got pregnant a week after she got married, or your mother's neighbor's daughter who just had a baby. They don't know your sister, best friend from high school, or mother's neighbor's daughter. Even more important: They don't give a crap about your sister, your best friend from high school, or your mother's neighbor's daughter.
The outside world may think you owe them something. And you don't. For some reason, people ask very personal, indiscreet, intrusive questions about getting pregnant and having a baby much more easily than other medical issues and somehow it's okay. Could you imagine? Let's get this cocktail party started.
Them: Are you still trying to have a baby? It's been months already. How's that going? .
Us: Are you still not having sex? It's been months already. How's your husband's erectile dysfunction going?
Them: You shouldn't be waiting so long to have a baby. Don't you want to have children?
Us: You shouldn't be waiting so long to have that gastric bypass. Or are you planning to be Jabba the Hut again this Halloween?
Them: A friend of a friend's cousin started the adoption process and then got pregnant. Just saying.
Us: A friend of a friend's sister ate a barrel of cotton candy and it cured her diabetes- Just saying.
So, I'm not saying keep all of these frustrating, overwhelming, infertility emotions to yourself month after month... I'm just saying vent and pour your heart out to total strangers... or prepare to become Denny's next menu item.
(Thanks a lot for stopping by! If you'd like more humor at infertility's expense, please check out my eBook:
Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman's Extremely Funny Peek into the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility by clicking the book icon above or heading to the homepage. http://laughingisconceivable.com)