(Start with "Monday" if you can. I don't really remember what I wrote. Could you maybe take a look and let me know if it was any good?) So, what were we talking about? Oh right. Holidays. The time of year when your friends become your "friends".
When I was going through infertility treatments, I always felt especially low at this time of year: Low in self-esteem, low on holiday cheer and particularly low on my friends' priority lists.And everything high on their priority lists was something I really dreaded discussing: Buying gifts for... the kids. Buying holiday outfits for... The kids. The holiday TV shows that we grew up with that they watched last night with ... the kids. (Didn't this used to be a humor blog? What the hell happened to me?)
Conversations like: "Mikayla wants this new special edition (Prostitute Barbie, Butch Barbie, whatever it was- who was listening?..Oh good, I'm back)..."
And the conversation went on and on and on: "I've tried online but nobody has that Barbie. It was $105 at Macy's but I heard it was $95 at Toys-R-US. Anyway, I've got to run home. We're going to see Santa. This will be the first time Sean has seen him. I'm going to dress him up in this adorable onesie I bought that says 'Grandma let me eat Santa's cookies'. Isn't that cute? Do you think I should take the kids to a place to get their pictures done for the holiday cards or should I just use the ones from the mall?"
With each passing word, I wanted to rip another facial feature off of her face because: 1) She has children to run around and do all this crap for. 2) She'll have adorable photos to keep forever. 3) She's squandering $95 on a doll for a three year old when she could be supporting the Fertility Clinics of America. Make the check out to me. Trust me, one way or another, they'll get it. 4) She brought back the memory of me ringing her bell early one Saturday morning years ago, and her husband opening the door wearing some Dr. Denton onesie pajamas. I'd hoped I'd repressed that memory forever.
We spend so much time feeling so excluded during the holidays and so separated from our friends that we forget one very important thing:
Our friends are at their absolute most BORING during the holidays. We want their company but we shouldn't. They're a total drag to be around. Nowhere is this more evident than when they send us holiday greeting cards. No, I don't mean the card itself or what they've written. It's what's so cleverly slipped inside the card. No, not a gift card. That would be nice.
"Hey look, Honey! Mia sent us a $10,000 IVF Center gift card! Look what it says on it: 'This Season, Put Your Money Where Your Uterus is. Happy Holidays: From Our Family to Your Future One!'"
No, what I'm referring to: Does anyone else ever receive, from their friends, especially those who live far away---the much dreaded annual: "Our Family's Year in Review" insert?
Let's talk more about that tomorrow. I've got a whole chubby stack of 'em from years gone by stuffed into my "W" file. That's "W" for "Who gives a .....?
Listen, I gotta go. There are only two more days of Chanukah left and I'm way behind on my overeating and artery clogging.
I'll talk with ya again tomorrow. In the meantime, if you like what you just read, please consider becoming a subscriber to my weekly updates. If you don't like what you read, take a look at "The Health Experts". There's a new article from Iréné Celcer about surviving the holidays. She's a psychologist and social worker and she's definitely not me. Maybe you'll like her better. http://laughingisconceivable.com/?page_id=642