Sisterhood of the Traveling Hormones (Wednesday/Thurday)

So, what were we talking about? Oh right. Sisterhoods that life has thrust us violently into aka infertility. When I was doing stand-up comedy, I was part of a great sisterhood. Female comics always banded together for one very good reason: We never saw each other. 

In the clubs in NYC, yes. But on the road...never. 

We were considered a novelty act. Ventriloquists, Magicians, Women. Nobody would book more than one novelty act in a show. 

"We can't have her on that night, we already have a juggler."

So every time you'd run into a fellow female comic it was like a grand reunion.  

I don't see the infertility sisterhood like that at all. To me the infertility sisterhood begins with:

"Hey, we all have this sucky hell-hole of a disease, condition, major fricken annoyance, in common."

and ends with:

"Hey, we all have this sucky hell-hole of a disease, condition, major fricken annoyance, in common."

We all involuntarily joined this infertility sisterhood. What you do with your membership card is totally up to you. 

I'll be honest, I didn't appreciate the sisterhood of the traveling hormones during my infertility days. 

When I was going through infertility, I never went on any support forums. I never socialized with any other infertility patients...for several reasons.  

All of which I'm sure any good psychologist worth her $125 for 45 minutes would find troubling:

1) Denial. If I don't talk about my infertility with other infertile women, then I must not be infertile.  Doesn't that make total sense?

See, if you're talking to me about your infertility: Your blood tests, drugs, and procedures, and I know exactly what you're talking about, I must either be a Reproductive Endocrinologist or, like you, I'm a patient.

Let's see, I think I'd remember if I'd gone to school for twenty-six years...  

It's the same sound theory that kept me from dating short guys. By anyone's standards I myself am short. (And getting shorter all the time. By fall, I'll be a hood ornament.) But I never saw myself that way. 

Petite I don't mind. That evokes images of cute, dainty and thin. But "short" is short. There's no way around it.

Anyway...About the little men:

So, there I'd be dating this guy whom I thought was very short. I'd see him walking towards me and think: "Man, is he short." But then he'd stand next to me and we'd be the same height.

My ego-in-denial couldn't compute how he could be so short and I could be so tall and yet, when we stood side-by-side, we were the same height.     

(I really need to move to a country where five feet tall is average height. Then I can find some less-than-average height people to tower over... and scrape the top of my head against a few ceilings for a change.)

2) My Unhealthy Competitive Nature:

After a while, I'd forget I was trying to get pregnant and just try to beat you.

"So I have fourteen good size follicles. They're all between 20 and 60 mm's. They had to do a special test just for me on the 60 mm. They'd never seen one that size before. They thought maybe there was an ostrich egg in there."  

"Oh, they transferred three embryos back into you? Well, I'm going to have my doctor put in nine. So, how do you feel about that?"

3) Self-Absorption 

Now, I think I have a little more compassion for women on the infertility chat forums. Back then, I would have been like: "Oh, yeah, yeah, that's terrible too...not to interrupt, but, this affects me, how?... Anyway, like I was saying..."

Listen, I gotta go do my stretching exercises. I'm on a great work-out program designed to defy gravity, aging and genetics. And if you haven't checked out my latest post at Fertility Authority in celebration of the guys in our lives who may or may not have had a tough time with Father's Day this year:  "Man-in-My-LIfe-Who's-Not-a-Total-Schmuck", please do.   

I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.