Infertility Spring Break: Spring Break for Infertile Women. Maybe I should pitch the idea to MTV. What's hotter than watching a group of women in thong bikinis doing shots on the beach at sunset? Considering the type of shots infertile women do, both "regular" bikinis and thong bikinis would actually be quite practical.
Infertility Spring Break. MTV would never air it. Clearly women going through fertility treatments desperately need a crazy, wild, college-esque Spring Break. It would just be too disturbing to televise.
I could just picture all of us happy gals getting together for Infertility Spring Break. Couldn't you? All of us...thousands of us...in one big sorority house: The Delta Gamma Gametes.
How far into our Infertility Spring Break do you think we would get before our "House of Fun" became a "House of Horrors"?
I think everything would start out all warm and fuzzy and chummy and supportive. Then, slowly but surely, we would lose that lovin' feeling and quickly turn into "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Hormones." (Okay, still sounding like a viable reality show.)
And let's see what's on the week's agenda, shall we?
Infertility Spring Break Day 1: So Who's Bringing What to the Pity Party?
"You people just don't understand what I'm going through! Oh wait. Yeah, you're going through it too. I forgot. So then if you do know what I'm going through, why don't you know that I just want all of you to go away and leave me alone?!"
Day 2: Infertility Spring Break Work Out: Let's Get Critical... Critical...
"I know we all hate when people talk about their kids in front of us, so why are we all sitting around talking to each other about how we hate to talk about other people's kids with other people?"
Infertility Spring Break Day 3: "Wet T-shirt" Contests May Be Hormone-induced but They Can't compare to Our Hormone-Induced Competitions
"I know it's horrible that you've been going through this for two years...and I do feel for you...I really do...but I've been going through this for two and a half years!"
"Two and a half years?! OMG. If I have to go through this for another six months I'll kill myself!"
"Thanks a lot! I've been going through this for six years."
And how about a few hands of Progesterone Poker?:
"Really? Well, I've been going through this for six years AND I've had two surgeries and three IUI's."
"Well, I've had two surgeries, four IUI's, one IVF and an FET!"
Infertility Spring Break Day 4: The Signal that the Fun is Clearly on the Wane? Housekeeping Becomes a Top Priority.
"And if you guys are going to throw Baby Dust at each other, which I think is great...I'm of course all for it... could you at least clean it up when you're done? I don't mean to complain, it's just like... I'm sure I'm not the only one here who knows how to use a vacuum!"
Back a minute to Doing Shots...
While we women would only have limited technology... A red phone... (A hotline to our fertility doctors for "emergency" questions...)
Our spouses/boyfriends/lovers/partners would be on Spring Break too... in a separate wing of the house. Way over there. Just them, air conditioning, big screen TVs, a 24 hour open bar, pool tables, putting green, stocked refrigerators, two toilets each... and sound-proof walls...
(I really appreciate you stopping by and truly hope that you feel even just a little bit better than you did when you got here 500+ words ago. If you'd like more humor at infertility's expense, please take a look at my little eBook: Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman's Extremely Funny Peek at the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility. To see reviews by top fertility experts around the US, click on the book icon at this Amazon link. https://www.amazon.com//dp/B007G9X19A/)
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