Spring Training for Infertility Virgins (Tuesday)

(Start with "Monday" if you can. We're talking about Spring training here this week. And you don't have to pay extra to get it like with cable. It's part of your basic blog package.) And if you like what you read, please do subscribe via that link to your right for once-weekly info, updates, offers etc. And if you can stand  a bit more of my nonsense, please click over to Fertility Authority when you're done here for a bonus post: http://www.fertilityauthority.com/blogger/1013368           okay..Let me take down the billboards...

So what were we talking about? Oh right. Infertility Virgins. That is, people who are first embarking on the strange and hateful world of infertility...not some kooky cult whose followers want to stay celibate and have children at the same time.

Can you just see the first meeting of such a cult? "We are here for one reason only my dear friends. To spread the word of living a sexless life!"

"Uh, Mr. Guru? How is this group going to grow? I mean, in a few more decades, once we're all dead, who's going to carry on your teachings?"

So, there are a lot of things us infertility veterans want you new people to know... like:

1) Ignore people who hound you about having a baby  

Has it already started? Have you already had people hounding you about why you don't have a baby? If you're married, the houndings usually start ten minutes after the "I do's".  "Aren't you trying? Don't you want children? Don't you want to make me a grandma?"

Looking back, I almost wish I'd thrown my husband down on the buffet table at the reception. "We're trying. Can't you see we're trying?!" That probably would have gotten at least a few of them to shut up. Every time they'd be about to open up their mouths they could have the image of us groping each other in the salmon mousse. After which time, knowing me, I probably would have scraped it off the back of his tux and presented it to guests: "Here, try some, it's good."   

Remember, most of the time, when people are badgering you about getting pregnant, they really don't care about your answer...it's way more about them than you.....They don't mean harm. They just have their own agenda. They either had kids too soon, or too many of them, or with the wrong guy, or screwed them up... and they want to make sure you get the chance to experience it too...

Potential grandmas are the exception of course: They want you to have the experiences they've had raising you- the beautiful moments, the cherished moments, and the time when you threw yourself on the floor in the middle of the mall and pitched a fit for an hour and a half. Potential grandma also wants the joy of hugging, kissing, and spoiling a baby and then returning them to their rightful owner the second she senses a fit coming on.      

As for people you don't know well: "Are you pregnant yet?" is just something to say when they got nothin' else. It's like a greeting or something. "Hi! How've you been? I can't believe how hot the weather's been. Is Bob still working at Best Buy? (silence silence) So... Are you pregnant yet?"

Remember that only a handful of people really care if you're ever going to have a baby or not. Which sounds cruel, but it's actually fabulous. It takes the pressure off. If you know they don't really care, you shouldn't worry about your answer. Feel free to say anything idiotic "Are you pregnant yet?" "No, I'm going to Brazil". "Are you pregnant yet? "No, I thought I'd dye it red." "Are you pregnant yet?" "I know, They'll show anything on TV nowadays."   

Listen, I gotta go. Spring training for baseball is upon us and I have to go up on the roof with a coat hanger. If I face North when there's a Southwesterly wind at an hour and a half past high noon on an overcast day, I can get the Mets games.

The bonus post again is: http://www.fertilityauthority.com/blogger/1013368

I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.