Spring Training for Infertility Virgins (Wednesday)

(Start with"Monday" if you can. Spring training is in full-swing here. You won't want to miss a single pitch.)  Anybody who has been around this blog for any length of time knows that when it comes to sports I'm a fanatic not just a fan. I planned my wedding around football season. I took a particular apartment in New York because it was within walking distance to both the New York Mets and the U.S. Open tennis. Well the Spring training involved here has nothing to do with all that...It has everything to do with infertility veterans, those of us who have been there (sometimes over and over) letting all of you just starting out, in on what you might have to look forward to.

So what were we talking about? Oh right. What us infertility vets want you newcomers to know:  

2) You know yourself. Your husband/wife/partner knows you. Your doctors will come to know you. Your friends, neighbors, coworkers and relatives know nothing.

Once you tell people or they even suspect that you're having conception issues, they will all come out of the wood work to offer you (almost totally worthless) infertility advice. All of a sudden everyone is a fertility maven. They're all experts on the reproductive system...even those who can't spell "reproductive"... and they all know what you need to do to get pregnant.

They may be sleeping on a couch with their boyfriend and their three kids in a basement in his cousin's house, but they know how to solve all of your problems.

They may think tsunami is the cashier at the Chinese buffet and Libya is a woman's body part, but they can solve your infertility.

They may think Philadelphia is the capital of New York and Los Angeles is just west of California, but they can resolve your issues.

So, these same people who ask you every year: What date does New Year's Day come out on this year? Or call you from down the block to ask "What time is it there?" ...will offer up their unbelievably uneducated guesses at how you can get pregnant.

"Go on a vacation. My cousin went on vacation and came back pregnant."  Of course she went "on vacation" at an army base and has no idea who the baby daddy is.  

"Just relax: If you don't think about it, it will just happen."  After all, that's probably how they got pregnant. They didn't think about birth control...and it just happened.

"Adopt. People who adopt always wind up pregnant" Yeah, I've heard of that happening too. So, do you think all of those millions of people who are on waiting lists and go through all of the red tape and fly to other countries to adopt...it's all just a big ploy? I've been wondering.

Maybe they don't really want to adopt. They just think it's an easy way to get pregnant. It worked for Ted and Georgette on the Mary Tyler Moore Show. (If you never heard of that show...yes, I am old... please be polite and just keep it movin')  

"You have to have sex all the time": Okay, I've got no argument for that one. 

The point is: Don't let them make you nuts. You're starting out. You're overwhelmed. That's understandable. Just don't assume every Num-nut knows more than you do. If you want to confide in people about your situation, go ahead. But don't run to people, whom you have no reason to believe know anything about anything, for advice.

Listen, I gotta go. My neighborhood's gearing up for a giant yard sale next weekend and I've got to get everything sorted and tag. Na, maybe I'll just leave the garage door open and the front door unlocked.

I'll talk with ya again tomorrow. And if you'd like to see my bonus post, please head over to http://www.fertilityauthority.com/blogger/lori-shandle-fox/2011/03/17/wasted-infertility-related-hours-my-life-i-want-back