Statistics Shmastistics (Monday)

For some reason unbeknownst to me, I have absolutely no recollection whatsoever of being told anything when I first entered a fertility clinic. I know I must have said something like: "Hi, my name's Lori. This is my husband. We're both pretty old. Can we still have kids or should we just buy an RV and travel? And we don't mean to rush you, but there's a movie that we'd like to catch that starts at one."

The only thing I recall even approaching a statistic came after the doctor saw my age on the... what do you call it... forms? (I'm leaning towards saying "application", but what the hell was I applying for?

"Hi, I'm Lori. I heard your clinic was looking to expand its geriatric division. Something about your oldest client graduating or passing away or moving into a senior community where they don't allow babies.

Anyway, I'm trying to have my first child even though my girlfriends from high school all have kids with BA's... so I think I'm an excellent candidate. Here's my resume. Yes, those are the actual dates I attended school.")

So like I was saying... The only thing the doctor ever said to us that even approached a statistic was: "How long have you been trying to get pregnant?" I told him "a year". And he said "That's long enough." 

Let the fertility treatments begin.

Then I went to my second clinic:  The first one had been such a merry moment in our newlywed lives, we thought we'd heighten the experience by going fertility clinic hopping.

It's like bar hopping except there's no laughter or enjoyment, and your "bar" tab is about $15,000...

Then again, you have no worries about waking up the next morning, looking over, and being unpleasantly surprised at whom you've been sharing your sheets with either.

All things considered, if you're planning to visit NYC any time soon do yourself a favor: Skip the fertility clinic tour. It doesn't include either the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.

And for the $15,000 IVF fee you'll save, you could see five Broadway shows and maybe even have brunch.

So we really had never been burdened with any infertility statistics.  Ignorance had never been more blissful. Then we got to the  second fertility joint, when the numbers came out...and all hell broke loose.

Listen, I gotta go. There's a knocking on my back door. "Lori. I know you're in there." I went to a wonderful mind/body/spirit conference today where I left all of my negative energy... and I think its found its way back. 

I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.