Stress & Fertility Treatments: What Could it Hurt? (Monday)

(Quick message to Teresa from TN: If you can hear me... please give me your updated email address.) So where was I? Oh right. Nowhere yet. 

My husband is often instrumental in tossing good blog ideas my way. He does such a good job it's resume-updating worthy:

Title: "Wife's Blogging Assistant"(aka "Wife's Mental Lint Trap")

Dates: From Last Tuesday to Present

Job Description: In charge of thinking up ideas when wife's brain has shut down and put up a "For Rent" sign.

So this week he sent me a gem from the U.K. that is kinda actually good news for the infertiles among us. Especially those undergoing treatments: Apparently stress doesn't make fertility treatments any less effective.

I mean this whole research thing could be a scam---a set-up. (Okay, only I am this cynical and paranoid) But what if the study actually proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that stress is absolutely disastrous for women undergoing treatments? Suppose they've discovered that if you're a little stressed out you'll make the sperm all nervous and they'll all swim away...backwards... in a thousand different directions. And if you're extremely stressed out, your whole uterus might explode.

So, what these researchers decided to do was to conspire. They all got together in a room--a nice, antiseptic, microscope-lined, fluorescent lit room and went into a huddle (they even whispered in case any developing embryos were eavesdropping. Could you imagine this lawsuit twenty years later?: "I don't know, I just have this vague memory of white lab coats and the word 'cover-up'.") Anyway... so this is how the meeting went: 

"Okay, we can't give these women these results. A lot of them are already hanging on their last emotional thread. They'll be monopolizing the Internet, flipping out on every support forum twenty-four hours a day around the globe. Nobody will be able to check their emails for weeks. 

They're already driving their doctors and nurses crazy (especially their nurses), their families, friends, coworkers,  and their husbands (especially their husbands)...So what I think we should do is tell them that stress is fine. No, not "fine"..."wonderful". In fact, stress is great for them. Not just in moderation either like wine or dark chocolate.

No, we're gonna tell them that nothing makes fertility treatments work better than a good old fashioned freaking out. It's better for conceiving than being under thirty-five or of average weight. Better than sex...(Wait that doesn't make sense, maybe scratch that one.)

So then, believing that the more they panic, the more they're actually increasing their chances of getting pregnant, they'll all relax...

They'll all get pregnant and we'll all be able to check our emails. It's a win-win situation."

What I like about this report I read is it analyzed fourteen studies and over three thousand women who underwent treatments. Doesn't it make you a tad nervous when you read some shocking study results: "10% of those undergoing IUI got herpes."?

Then you read the fine print and find out the study was conducted in someone's backyard during a 4th of July barbecue by cousins who chose to sit out volleyball. There were ten people involved in the "study" and apparently Miss 10 % is still trying to explain away the STD that supposedly came with the IUI, to her husband.

So this study plus what exactly sends us over the edge during infertility plus "What would we do differently if we knew for sure that stress had no negative impact on our treatments?" are our topics for this week.

If you enjoy either my writing or the topics my husband forces me into writing about, please subscribe... We all have a lot of fun with the weekly subscriber update and there will be some great offers down the line for subscribers.  

Listen, I gotta go.  I have to talk to my husband before he reads this post. I don't want him to think I just married him for his mind.

I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.