Sweeping Up After National Infertility Awareness Week (Wednesday)

(Start with "Monday if you can. The excitement from National Infertility Awareness Week was so great, you'll want to ease out of it gradually...One post at a time. And if you can bear an extra weekly tidbit from me, please do subscribe to this blog and get some inside info and offers coming down the pike. (Not the Jersey Turnpike "pike": That would take forever.)) So, what were we talking about? Oh right. All of the big celebrations that took place last week in honor of National Infertility Awareness Week. A few of my suggestions didn't make the cut. 

Tailgate Parties-

I can sort of see why this suggestion of mine was rejected.

Considering where you stick some of those needles during fertility treatments, Even I'm a little afraid that a "tailgate" party might take on a totally different meaning during National Infertility Awareness Week than what goes on in the parking lot of a football game...

Then again...Once people are on their twelfth beer...Well, let's just say I've seen some strange goings on in the parking lot of a football game.

 

Coming Out Parties-

I'll be honest. I never knew what a "Coming Out" party was. Jews don't have "Coming Out parties". We have bas-mitvahs. When I went to college in NYC, freshman year there was a "Coming Out" party every other day.

But I'm thinking it's not the same thing. I can't imagine part of the debutante ritual is explaining to your parents why you have the entire collection of Cher dolls or why you set your roommate's clothes on fire when he told you he liked the girl down the hall.

So, even though I really don't know what a "Coming Out" party is, I suggested that we have our own version for National Infertility Awareness Week.

I thought we could all go around our neighborhoods knocking on the doors of all of the nosy neighbors who are dying to know why we don't have kids and when they open the door say:

"Hi, Mrs. Roberts: Just wanted to let you know that I'm infertile" and then hit her in the face with a baseball bat.

Okay I admit....I may not have thought it all the way through.

Orgies

"Hey in honor of National Infertility Awareness Week, let's get a bunch of us infertiles together and have a wild time! Great idea!" 

"What day is good for you? I have to have sex between the eleventh and the fourteenth anyway. So we may as well kill two birds with one stone. Well, but that's not National Infertility Awareness Week..."

"Is anyone bringing a thermometer?"

"I've got my ovulation predictor kit. I never go anywhere without it...or a flashlight. I took it to the movies with us last week..."

"Anyone know any naughty sex games?" 

"We can touch each other subcutaneously."

How about: 'Pin the Tail on the Upper Outer Quadrant?'"

Listen, I gotta go.  I'm going on a date with my husband on Friday night. If I don't start planning now, our "date" will consist of us sitting in the driveway for four hours wasting gas going: "So where do you want to go?"   

I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.