(Start with "Monday" if you can. I know what you're thinking. "I hated Monday. I thought it would never end. Now this chick wants me to relive it?" Yeah, I do. But just for a few minutes.) So, what were we talking about? Oh, right. I was about to introduce you to my new line of board games specifically designed to get people out of your infertility business and back where they belong: On their couches dipping chips and watching whatever's taken the place of "Dances with the Stars".
The first game in the series is called: "The 25 Cent Privacy Pyramid". It's the ghetto-bargain basement-trailer park version of the $25,000 Pyramid game show: You list things and the other contestant, your nosy opponent, has to figure out what everything on the list has in common.
Here's an example:
My Irregular Periods
My Husband's Sperm Count
The Number Of Home Pregnancy Tests I've Taken
Nosy Opponent: "Things That Are None Of My Business?"
Me: "Right! You're great at this game!" Okay, let's try another one.
My Mood Swings
My Rocky Relationship with My Husband
My Taking Out A Second Mortgage to Pay for IVF
My Three Cutesy Pregnant Coworkers
Nosy Opponent: "I know! I know! 'Things That You Don't Want To Talk About!'"
Me: "Good answer! 'Things That Are None Of Your Business' would also have been an acceptable response.'" On to the next round!
Calling Your Husband To See If He's Really At Work This Time
Mowing Your Lawn
Seeking Fresh Breath
Picking Up Your Kids From School
Tightening Up Those Thigh Muscles
Nosy Opponent: "Things That I Should Be Doing Instead Of Standing Here Wasting Your Time?"
Me: Yes! "Things That Are Your Business" would also have been an acceptable response.
Learning a Foreign Language
Squeezing My Husband
Writing Something Humorous
Sticking One Of My Needles In My Eye
Almost Anything Else
Nosy Opponent: "Things You'd Rather Be Doing Than Standing Here Dodging My Awkward Questions?"
Me: On the nose! "'Things That Are None Of Your Business' would also have been an acceptable answer.
Thank you for playing today's 25 cent Privacy Pyramid and remember, most of the time it's None of Your Business!
Listen, I gotta go. The ice cream man's coming down the block and I'm a dime short. I'd better go change into something low-cut. I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.
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