(Start with "Monday" if you can. It's the Friday before a long weekend. You're not really planning to do any work today anyway are you? Do you really want to be known as the company kiss-ass? Who says peer pressure ends at twelfth grade?) So, what were we talking about? Oh right. How statistically challenged I am, fertility-speaking. Right. My ovaries were about to celebrate their 41st birthday when they first saw the light of a Reproductive Endocrinologist's probe.
True, the statistics were stacked against me:
There was only a remote chance I was going to get pregnant using my own eggs.
But a 1 in 4 chance I would fall and break a hip trying to hoist myself onto the examination table.
There was a slim chance I'd ever give birth to a baby.
But a 1 in 3 chance that, by the time the baby was 2, he or she would have more teeth than I did.
But you know what? There was that now-infamous study in the mid-'80's stating that the probability of a single, white, college educated woman getting married past age 35 was 5%.
And, as Newsweek added: At age 40 that same woman "would have a better chance of being killed by a terrorist" than of ever getting married.
So, here I was, a 37 1/2 year old single white, Jewish, college educated woman, living in NYC at the time of 9-11.
But I ask you (and Newsweek if they're listening): What are the probabilities that a straight woman would meet her straight future husband at a gay Chanukah party?
And what are the statistics on neither of them, each pushing 39, having never been married before?
And what are the numbers on neither of them having had children before?
And what is the likelihood that he would be exactly nine days older than she?
And what are the odds that at age 42 she would have kids with her own eggs?
And what are the stats on them being born from frozen embryos?
Yeah, so, where the hell was Newsweek when all of this was going on?
The answer in it all can be found, obviously in the NY Mets. (There's a segue for ya. Sorry for the whiplash.)
My friend Kathy Foronjy made a great documentary about my people: NY Mets baseball fans, called "Mathematically Alive".
For those of you non-diehard baseball fans, the title refers to this: As the baseball season progresses, and your team continues to suck, you start to realize that they may not be able to ever catch up to the team that's in the lead of your division.
So then, refusing to accept what seems to be inevitable to everyone else, you get out your pencil, paper, and calculator and you crunch those numbers.
"Okay, so if Atlanta loses the next three games, and the Phillies win one but lose the next six, and Washington loses one but wins eight, and the Mets win every game but one between now and September....The Mets will win the division!
So, they're not statistically in great shape.........but they are definitely "Mathematically Alive".
So, for all of you old broads out there, or those who have blockages or PCOS or too high this or extremely low that and whose doctor, sister-in-law and the loser who sits next to you at work have thrown statistics at you left and right:
Yes, be informed and then do what ya gotta....and remember, in 2006, even though it was late in my season, I won my division.
Listen I gotta go. I've got to find some new statistics to throw in somebody's face.