Infertility Alternatives to Last Week's Infertility Alternatives (Friday)

(Start with "Monday" if you can. It's Friday. Only fanatics do any real work on Friday.) (And don't forget to check out the new "Health Experts" feature at the top if you get a sec.)  So what were we talking about? Oh right. Chiropractics, acupuncture and yoga...  And whether or not any one of them offers a huge amount of  help on our quest to become pregnant...or even a little.

I think all three come from the same basic principle: We're screwed up. If we can only get our bodies back to their natural state:

What they were before we started shlepping six bags of groceries from the car at one time so we don't have to make two trips, carrying a twelve pound pocketbook on our shoulder because it's cute, matches our favorite pants, and holds three pairs of footwear;

Carrying gigantic laundry baskets up the stairs while bending to retrieve stray socks that tried to jump ship, or (as in my case) grew breasts three sizes too big for our bodies.

Not sitting upright at the computer, not doing exercise, (or not doing it correctly), eating the wrong foods, dating the wrong people: I'm sure all of the above have contributed to our demise.

Now we're all just a bunch of slouchy, hunchy, unbalanced, heaps.

If you've read my posts this week, you know that I'm far from objective: I'd be open to acupuncture, I love yoga and I'm fed up with chiropractors. But I like that none of them claim to get you pregnant.

They all claim that, depending on what causes your infertility: 1)They might work well in conjunction with IVF and 2) Regardless of what other treatments you are or aren't getting: They create the opportunity for your body to be repaired and restored to allow it to, in essence, be available to become pregnant.   

What I do like about both yoga and acupuncture is that their proponents always mention creating positive energy in your body and mind. This I completely buy into. When, in our infertililty treatment-filled lives do we ever get a needleful of positive energy?

In the Gonal-F vial? On the examination table with our feet reaching for the skies? When the bills arrive?    

Isn't it interesting, though, that when someone is "in the business', whatever business they happen to be in, all roads lead to them?

"Hi I'm an acupuncturist: Oh, you're infertile? You really need acupuncture. You have headaches? You really need acupuncture? You have jock itch? You really need acupuncture. You can't open the sealed plastic wrap from the turkey breast you just bought at the deli? You really need acupuncture."

"Hi I'm a chiropractor. Oh you're infertile? You really need a chiropractor. You have headaches? You really need a chiropractor. You have pink eye? You really need a chiropractor. You can't break uncooked spaghetti so it's small enough to fit into your pot? You really need a chiropractor."

It makes you wonder:  Is it a passion for what they do or what they charge?

Listen, I gotta go. I've got a bunch of juicy, red, nasty-looking bug bites on my leg. I can't wait to have the whole neighborhood pool to myself this weekend.  

I'll talk with ya again on Monday.

Infertility Alternatives to Last Week's Infertility Alternatives (Wednesday)

(Start with "Monday" if you can. You can even watch the Monday night football pre-season game over again if you want. See my quarterback leave the field to get twelve stitches.)    So what were we talking about? Oh right. How my experience with chiropractors has been mostly a big chronic pain in my lower back. Lower. Lower. There. Now you got it.

So how about yoga? Can infertililty be cured by the downward-facing dog?Well according to many, it can help. And (as my Uncle from Brooklyn used to say) it "couldn't hoit."

What I do find impressive about the info out there is that you don't only get yoga experts touting yoga for infertility. There are also some infertility experts using it as part of their usual IVF treatments.

According to an article on

Not only can yoga do what all of us lay idiots know it can do: Relieve stress for the over-stressed (that's us). 

"Yoga can also impact the general reproductive health of women trying to conceive. Yoga tones and strengthens the muscles that support reproductive organs and improves spinal alignment, enabling better circulation and improved capacity and quality of respiration. ...For women who are taking infertility drugs, better breathing can also help the body fight off the toxic effects of those drugs.  

That was from a yoga "guru".

But  Dr. Alice Domar uses yoga as a staple in her mind/body work with IVF patients at Boston IVF.  An interesting point she makes in the same article is that some patients who do regular rigorous exercise may actually be hurting their  chances of getting pregnant. Yoga offers a gentler way to release stress for them that won't negatively impact their fertility.   

I'll admit it. I love yoga. I play along with a half hour show on TV. Even though I have a lot of problems:

1) I can't get the mirror image thing

They tell me to do the left side and I know they mean my left not their left. But then I peek at the TV and see they're actually on their right side and I get all mixed up. Sometimes I do the same one side over and over.

So if you ever see me and I look lopsided, like one side of my body is all sculpted and buffed and the other is all noodly and atrophied, you'll know why.

2) I tip over a lot

For any of you country-folk: It's not like cow tipping. Nobody has to touch me or anything. One minute I'm oh so gracefully holding a pose on one leg. The next I'm yelling "Pillow!" in hopes that someone will toss one onto the floor seconds before my crash landing.

3) Sometimes I hold my breath for the whole half hour

I'm never aware of it, of course, until the program's over and I stand-up, see stars, and slump to the floor in a broken heap.

It's nice when I'm in the middle of the living room floor and my husband steps over my lifeless body on his way to the kitchen.

It's especially nice when he steps over me when the show's still on and I'm doing "upward facing dog"... and he's wearing shorts.

Listen, I gotta go. I'm on my way to work and, unfortunately, it's time to get into "Employee's Pose". My least favorite position.

I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.

Infertility Alternatives to Last Week's Infertility Alternatives (Monday)

Okay, so last week we discussed possible alternatives to your basic, standard, mainstream, IUI- IVF path to combat infertility.   Massage therapies, herbal therapies, and sperm boosters that all but guarantee to squeeze, cleanse, and macho the infertility right out you.

They may be alternatives and truly have something of value to us to sell. Or they may be scam artists with nothing going for them but a shiny website.

The alternatives we'll be discussing this week are bonafide professionals. They're people with real schooling and real licenses. So you may see them as legitimate alternatives to the usual roads those fighting infertility take. Or you may see them as scam artists with a shiny shingle to go along with their shiny websites.

Some of the areas I'll be mocking, (that wasn't very journalistic was it?) I meant to say some of the areas I'll be exploring are: 

A) Chiropractics: Solve my fertility issues? I'm not sure. I just have a sneaking suspicion that I'll be marking my calendar: Two big events coincidentally happened on the same day:

1) In the morning, my insurance company informed the chiropractor that they were pulling the plug on anymore visits. 

2) In the afternoon, my chiropractor informed me that whatever was blocking me getting pregnant has been fixed.

 B) Acupuncture: Could it help my fertility issues? I've done IUI and In Vitro. What's another dozen or so needles in my body? For Halloween I'm going to just dress normally and go as a voodoo doll.   

C) Yoga: Could it help my fertility issues? I don't know. Yoga's come along way. When I was in college, the only girls who did yoga, spent the rest of their time not shaving, eating granola and sleeping naked on the floor.

They're probably all somewhere running software companies now.

Listen I gotta go. I'd better call my chiropractor and tell him that I didn't mean him, before he threatens to put my neck back where he found it. 

I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.