Most of us already know that National Infertility Awareness Week is almost upon us. The thing is: When I was going through infertility, I didn't want anyone to know I was going through it.
So here I am trying to blend, trying to pass as a fertile person, and then along comes National Infertility Awareness Week: I was like:
"Shhhhhhhh! Will you people lower your voice?!"
I'm hiding in my little foxhole of shame and they've rallied the other 7.3 million infertile troops to stand up and yell: "Hey! We found her! Over here everybody!"
I didn't know from chat rooms or support groups. I didn't want to share with anybody online.
Maybe that's why I always made my NYC doctors' appointments in the wee hours of the early AM. I wanted to sneak in and out of there under the cloak of darkness before the "City that Never Sleeps" woke up.
I was okay to go for the treatments but once I was flung out of the fertility clinic and back into society, I wanted to just pretend it didn't exist. So this organization comes along and tries to blow my cover with their week-long tribute. I thought: "Great, what next?"
We'll be "out" and that's it I guess.
My husband and I will have to start wearing tight black leather pants and hanging out at “Infertile Only” clubs. (No music. But oooh the drugs: Follistim, Gonal-F, Clomid, Lupron.)
We might even have wild threesomes in the back room: My husband, me, and a calendar.
Maybe we’ll start going to a gym where ninety percent of the clientele are infertile... Just to check them out:
"Oh look at her prancing around in her leotard. She thinks she's something special because they took twenty eggs out of her at her retrieval."
There would be jealousy in our community: "Aw, her butt is so much nicer than mine. I bet her husband doesn't whine about injecting THAT every night."
We'd naturally have our own parade on Fifth Avenue during National Infertility Awareness Week.
Our parade colors would be gray and black.
We'd have our very own chant: "Free IVF in the US!" "Free IVF in the US!" (Of course we'd probably have to stop along the parade route several times to explain that "IVF" is a treatment and not a political prisoner.)
And naturally I would be the Queen of the parade...Or at the very least: "The Baroness of Barrenness".
Hey, thanks a lot for stopping by! I hope you feel even just a little bit better than you did when you got here. If you’d like more laughs at infertility’s expense, please check out my books and subscribe to my “not-overly-frequent newsletter on my home page- http://laughingisconceivable.com and subscribe to my new YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3tj7Bk9QkqarCevJL9j3eQ?view_as=subscriber