The Ever So Important "W" File--(As in "Who Gives a...?")

So what's a "W" file? One of the most important things you can ever have in my opinion. I truly believe that the bigger and fatter your "W" file, the happier a person you will be. For those of you who are not acquainted with the "W" file it stands for: "Who gives a ...?" A separate "W" file could be started for each department of your life: Work, your family, your friends.

But definitely have one for infertility.

If someone says something to you that just touches your gut the wrong way... Could you possibly, instead of getting angry, or sad or depressed or anxious or exasperated... Could you possibly just drop it into your "W" file?''

A couple of weeks ago, I was reading through one of the infertility support forums out there and a woman was commenting on how outright rude and nasty some people have been to her during her infertility escapade and she wondered if anyone else had had this experience. Well, that was it! It was on!

First I felt sad that people would say such cruel things to someone undergoing infertility, then the blood bath free-for-all started. People were competing in the chat to see who had the nastiest story to tell:

"My cousin said I can't have a baby because Jesus doesn't love me."

"Well, that's nothing. My sister said I'm too ugly to get pregnant. She said she has 2 kids because only pretty people are supposed to reproduce."

"So what? My mother-in-law said that this was proof that GD meant her son to marry someone else. His ex-girlfriend has five kids!"

"That's not nearly as bad as what happened to me. My neighbor came right up to me at the block party and said we should stop trying to have a baby. She actually said: 'Why don't you just give it up already and save your money? Pets are cheaper anyway.'"

Okay, so people say nasty things. Who gives a ...? If you lose anything when people say idiotic things like the above, it shouldn't be your self-confidence or your plan of action to get pregnant or your determination to conceive or even your temper. If you lose anything at all it should be respect for the moron who said it.

This little "W" file, if you like, is the NYC version of "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff"... (I imagine WASPs in the midwest say the latter while, me being a Jewess from NY would rather say: "Who gives a ...?" And of course when I actually use the phrase aloud, I don't say "dot dot dot" at the end.)

This expression is very liberating and can be useful in all aspects of your life: When your boss says: "You're ten minutes late!"

("Who gives a ...?") Don't yell back and get fired. Dump it into the "W" file.

When your huband tells you the sauce you made was good but not quite as good as his mother's. ("Who gives a ...?") Don't stress out and start a big fight. Dump it into the "W" file.

And definitely when somebody tells you: "Maybe you just weren't meant to be a parent because you're not a good enough person, wife, boyfriend, vegetarian, Christian, Muslim, Catholic, Buddhist, Scientologist, Jew, Socialist, Puerto Rican, Nebraskan, Agnostic, Ukrainian, checkers player, Libertarian, or quilter", listen intently to what they say, consider deeply who it's coming from and then say to yourself or even out loud. Yeah, out loud might be better. Yeah out loud at the top of your lungs and three inches from their face would be best: "You know what I think about what you think? 'Who gives a ...?'" Then drop it fast and hard into your "W" file.

And whether you keep this file in the dark recesses of your mind, in a cabinet in your hall closet, in a bottom drawer at your desk at work, in a shoe box under your bed, saved on your computer, or one in each of these, I hope you visit there often and only make deposits... Never a withdrawal.

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