The Gift of Infertility Treatments (What?)

(Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman's Extremely Funny Peek into the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility. My ebook is available for all Kindles and all devices with free Kindle apps like Smartphones & iPads. See reviews/chapter previews at icon to the right or Free for Amazon Prime members) (Sister post to this one at Fertility Authority:

A young lady on one of the infertility social networks I frequent asked if we all thought it was okay for her to ask for money towards fertiilty treatments instead of traditional gifts from those she invited to her wedding. Of course I had to comment. (As an ex-boyfriend used to say: "Hi I'm Lori. I have an opinion on everything." That's not why he's an ex-boyfriend by the way. He happened to be right although I thought a while and pointed out that I have no opinion on floor tiles. One tile floor looks as good as any other to me.)

So my comment to this girl was that suggesting people give money towards your fertility treatments in lieu of traditional wedding gifts is a great idea if you don't mind the whole world knowing your fertility business. She said she was fine with that since most of them already knew her issues. I further commented that it's actually an incredibly nice thing to do: To invite those closest to you in your life to contribute to something so important instead of them wrapping up whatever handy-dandy kitchen gadget they found closest to the Target check-out counter and calling it a day.

Of course this also depends on who you're inviting to the wedding. So, the question is: What's your family REALLY like? Are they the kind who will graciously help you in this noble quest? Or the kind who will do the good deed of giving you infertility funds and then hold it over your head for the next 20 years? They'll give you a few dollars with all kinds of strings attached to the umbilical cord. We have some relatives like that.

"Remember the time twelve years ago when you guys got married and we gave you fifty bucks to have a baby?" Well we already rented out our old place and our new house won't be ready for another three months and we were wondering if we, just Ginny and me, our three kids, 2 cats, Harold our iguana, and the in-laws could crash here, maybe stay on your couch until May...June of the latest."

Then you'll get those who will want to force their good will on you. They have to top everyone so then they can tell the world for years to come how unbelievably generous they were to you. Months before your wedding, they'll ask around. If everyone else is giving fifty dollars, she'll give a hundred. If everyone's giving a hundred, she'll give two hundred. If everyone's giving a thousand, she'll just staple one of her ovaries to a gift card envelope and hand it to you as you're walking down the aisle.

Just to cover yourself, (as I consider my own family): Think who could potentially turn on you in the next few decades. You know that wedding register that guests sign so newlyweds can have it as a keepsake for years to come when half of the list nobody remembers and the other half is dead? Maybe you should just jot a little paragraph at the very top of the page. Nothing fancy... "We the undersigned acknowledge that any monies given to the couple on this day are a donation and not an investment in any child's future. The couple is obligated to do nothing with the money but try to get pregnant. If an attempt to get pregnant fails, money may be used to buy favors, cake, ice cream, and dozens and dozens of Crispy Cremes for a lavish pity party."

This will insure that when your child grows up to be rich, brilliant, and famous, this relative whom you invited to your wedding solely out of a guilty sense of familial obligation won't show up out of the woodwork (twenty years later) and try to parlay their $50 seed money into a private jet and a house in Brunei.

And, if they're like my family, you'd better call an accountant first. Before the relatives commit to any check writing, they'll want to confirm that their gift is tax deductible.

Now, if you have another moment...please head over to Fertility Authority for the sister post to see what in the world you could possibly write on the wedding invitation...